- 1 WitD
- 2 Shadow Play
- 3 I'm back
- 4 MoC Help Please...
- 5 Happy birthday!
- 6 Mulon
- 7 Future plans
- 8 FITB
- 9 ROWYCO
- 10 No virus yay!
- 11 Grab the devil by the horns and [...]
- 12 I'll be back
- 13 Santis
- 14 Life's woes
- 15 Me & My Old Lady
- 16 Fitb
- 17 Nice guys finish last when you're the outcast
- 18 Jennifer Lost the War
- 19 In my car in your street is where I stay
- 20 Bang bang it hammers in my head
- 21 Aladeen madafaka
- 22 Bootylicious Vinyl
- 23 Hooch
- 24 Dharma and the bomb
- 25 I've got a 10 inch... Tv screen
- 26 Brandon aka Spike
- 27 Misanthropic anthropoid
- 28 Long time no see
I started reading chapter 4 of WitD the day you posted it, but I haven't been much on the computer lately so I finished reading it yesterday. The chapter had good action scenes, and I specially liked the portray of Mudro, and the cliffhanger in the end when Matoro died. You know, I expected everything but this to happen in this serial, it was quite a surprise, as I though that Matoro would be an important character in the saga. However, I felt that killing him was a wise decision, because I generally don't like predictable stories. And we still have that other Turaga of fire, which looks cool too. Also, I've seen that you've uploaded some MoCs that have appeared in the chapter (all except for the jungle glatorian, I think). I think you made a great work with Mudro's weapons, and the Krana and Kanohi you put on the armor looks very good.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:49, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
No, not really, it wasn't too much predictable, but that twist of events adds spice to the story.
Yeah, I look foward to see that video, your stopmotion is good (that super mario video you made comes to my mind).
Yes, you can use the name of any of my Matoran if you want. After all, the characters I created for the chapter were for a story of your saga.-- 6 cups in one year! 19:07, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
Today I posted another chapter of Shadow Play! It's been a really, really long time, but here it is. It isn't still at teh quality of previous chapters, but keep in mind that I started the chapter months ago, and that I finished it last friday (the reason for not posting the chapter on friday was that apparently there was a problem with the internet connection, which was solved yesterday).
Also, as I'm seeing that you have problem with names (and given that Lagira and Crystallus have already appeared in WitD), you can use any of the Matoran seen in Crystallus' Adventures for your new Metru Nui story arc.-- 6 cups in one year! 14:16, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
Well, Engger was meant to be an Agori agent in the city (working for the rebellion), who paid a Rock Agori officer in exchange of some information. He choose travel through the sewers in the city to bypass the new law that banned any Agori to enter New Roxtus. However, I know that I didn't make it too much clear, and maybe it was a side effect of having to continue a chapter started months ago. I hope to make next chapter clearer.
I noticed that you write really fast! I think that on wednesday I checked for updates and I saw chapter 5 of FC, and today I've found chapter 6! I wish I could write so much in so few time. Anyway, the story is getting interesting. The introduction of Garnax and Island X was cool (I'm already thinking of mask powers for the contest you will hold about his Kanohi), and the mysteries in Elysum were nice. I already had formed a theory in which Glacii was the killer, but after the Knox part (I specially liked how you wrote the part in which Glonor probes him to be innocent) I'm doubting he is the killer, and even more now that I know that he is going to be one of your secondary self-mocs or something like that. Also, thanks for dedicating Frozen Calling to me. I really liked that you oriented part of the story into a direction I liked (mystery), that was very nice of you, and I'm glad I responded the questionary as the Metru Nui arc is starting to become my favorite one in your series.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:25, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
You're right, Glacii is quite an interesting character. I too like Voya Nui more than Metru Nui, but in the end what really matters is the story, no the setting, as I'm seeing with the Fractures Alternate Universe. I can't wait to read next chapter of WitD (if you said it's more explosive than a year finale, that can only be a good thing).
Well, while I was reading the part of the chapter when Garnax threatned to kill the murdrer's wife, I though that maybe Glacii's wife wasn't dead, but rather captured in Island X. I also thought that maybe Glacii was having a deal with the Kraata Bikers when Glonor and Crystallus went to save him. I guess the theory didn't have much basis, but it was just a quick one that came to my head while reading.
Thanks for your comments about SP. I like Teridax's character, and I wanted to show him a capable because after all, he had no choice but become a resourceful man, since he's had to take care of a broken Sand Tribe ever since the Shattering, and the situation worsened when Rotam came and infected his tribe, as he was forced to live with the knowledge that he no longer controlled his own tribe.
And yeah, the part were Teridax eats Leeb just came to my mind while writing, and I though it was a good idea. I'm glad you liked it. I've already written two pages of next chapter, and I'm going to include some references to early twentieth century events and warfare style. Once you've read the chapter, I'll tell you them, because there is at least one that is hard to find.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:58, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
I've read some Sherlock Holmes books, like the hound of the Baskervilles, and other books from other themes but that had mysteries in them. And about the references, they won't be hard for you to find. I've included three so far (I made a fourth, but as it was from Spanish Civil War you would not see it, so I removed it), two of them you could know just by studying the World Wars (they are short references to events, not individual battles), and there's one of them that's based on an important character's quote (I don't think you will know this one, it's hard). Have nice holidays in Greece! Probably when you return from holidays I'll have posted the chapter of Shadow Play.-- 6 cups in one year! 06:48, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
I've read the chapter of WitD, but I don't have time today to write a review for it. Tomorrow I'm going on holiday to north Catalonia, and I won't return until friday. The chapter of Shadow Play is nearly done, but it still needs two scenes more written, so I'm afraid I'll have to finish it on Saturday. Also, here are my entries to your contest:
- Contest 1: Mask of Life Draining
- Power description: The Mask of Life Draining allows its user to drain the life of a target. There are two ways to use it, on passive (constant low-level use) or active use. When the user starts using the mask for the first time, it will feed off the life around, making the user stronger. Once the process is started it cannot stop unless the mask is broken, and most users that have worn this mask in the past have addicted to its use, meaning that they would never take off the mask. The user cannot select which target the mask drains the life from- so in the end, the ones around the user tend to be weaker both physically and mentally. Prolonged use of the mask drains nearly all the life from the ones around the user, until the point that they are rendered into a state between life and death and are slaves of the user’s will. Active use of the mask usually drains a third of the life of the target designated by the user, but some say that users completely addicted to the mask’s power can kill the target with a single use.
- Mask weakness: Apart from being addictive, when there is no life within the mask’s range, it will start draining the life from the user, to the point that it will kill the user if it doesn’t find a source to feed on.
- Trivia: based on Darth Nihilus' power from KOTOR II.
- Notes: the mask is considered immoral, and Makuta were forbidden to use it while in Destral. A powerful user could extend the range of the mask in passive use to areas as big as Ta-Metru.
- Contest 2: Makuta Spirack
Well now that I'm finally back, I will proceed with the review.
First of all, the biggest highlight of the chapter is the way it's structured. When I finished reading it, I wondered how the chapter could be so awesome and so long at the same time featuring just two fights. And I realised that the reason is that you divided the fight in different points of view, and succeeded in making something that could be short but bland into a descriptive fight, showing both physicall action and the character's reactions and thoughs about the battle and the environment. Switching between Tollubo and Jollun during the fight worked well. It was interesting to see Tollubo reflect about his relationship with Mesa, and realise that he didn't feel bad anymore. Bringing Matoro back to the scene was something I didn't expect, and I was glad you did back because the Matoro-Vinilus-Velika trio (seen in the following chapter) is very interesting. Another memorable scene was Tollubo controlling the burning Kapura corpse.
Of the following chapter, I have to say that Velika's portrayal was very good. I didn't know much about Velika (the 2006 books didn't arrive here), but the conversation with Matoro and Vinilus was actually fun to read, his riddles being the best part. Also, the description of Tollubo's body after the battle was very detailed, and it helped to picture that he hadn't got any rest since battling Karabak.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:58, August 1, 2011 (UTC)
Well, I guess that concentrating in WitD makes sense sice you're reaching the climax of the story. I also wanted to tell you that this last week, and the following three or four, I won't be active (and consequently, it may take me days to respond to messages) because I have to finish summer homework before agust ends. Given that I've been spending the last two months doing nothing, I will have to do at least ten pages of homework each day or something like that.
And, by the way, there's something I've always wondered. When writing essays in english, I find that I don't know how the courses that you do after the compulsory High School and before university are called. Could you help me with that? I haven't found any good translations in internet.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:55, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
MoC Help Please...
Hey, sorry for the longtime inactivity. But I struggled in making MoCs. A little help might do, please...
Happy birthday man! I hope you enjoy your day (and that you get your Kanohi for Crystallus and Glacii). As a response to your earlier message:
Yes, I have lots of holidays. I left school on the 21st of June, and I won't return until the 8th of September (maybe, because I think that we may start at the 12th or 13th this year). That are hughe holidays. In fact, if I had started my homework in June instead of august I wouldn't be in such a rush to finish it. Anyway, I'm retaking work in What lies behind the wall?, and when I finish it I will continue with Shadow Play. And yes, I was referring to the A-levels and teh sixth form. Thanks for the info.
So, have a nice day and expect me to post something I had in mind for you ever since you started the new Metru Nui arc (expect it tomorrow, today my camera isn't cooperating).-- 6 cups in one year! 06:31, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
About the thing I said about uploading something, I won't be able to do that until I figure out how to use macro on my brother's camera. And for the WitD thing, it sounds awesome! I never expected Karabak to return, and even less as a good guy. The part with the Vahi was good too, it sets up a good panorama for the two days before the destruction. Unfortunately, I already knew where and what was Mudro's ultimate weapon before reading chapters 7 and 8 because I read the trivia in Mudro's page. I guess I should try to avoid reading spoilers (even though these aren't very important spoilers).
And nice MoC! I really like the build and I can see the traits that he shares with my description of Teridax.
Also, and most important, I'll be finally releasing What lies behind the wall?. As it is so long (as of now 15 pages in Times New Roman 12), and I still have to write the last part of the short story, I'll be releasing the short story in parts weekly. I suppose that it will finish posting it in 4 weeks. However have in count that the first parts will be more boring than the others because the action starts near the end.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:45, August 23, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for your comments on WLBTW. I really apreciate it since it took me long time to write and make it descriptive and at the same time, as well as story accurate. I had to read what you had revealed of the Deserts of Death Matoran Universe multiple times. Part two of the Short Story is posted, by the way.
I noticed the references in WitD ([...]illuminated the lonley road that he should walk down[...], [...]the boulevard had ended[...]). For the record, I was listening to an instrumental version of Boulevard of Broken dreams while reading this part of the chapter. About the following chapter, seeing Racasix teasing Tollubo was actually nice. Also, the appareance of the Matoran Hordika (named just like the squirrel in Ice Age!) was pretty interesting, with him eating rotting fish. Also, Mudro seemed to be very confident of his power in the band (you will kill when I tell you to kill), and that is another good facet to add to his character. And I can't wait to see your new Matoran models + the tomb one!
When I was talking about the tomb, I was referring to the model grave that you said that represented the archeological dig. I always liked dioramas, so I think it can be interesting.
I didn't create the mask of Vacuum Survival. The concept of it was already created by a BZPower member for the Multiverse project. I asked him if I could use it, but since that member was inactive, and the Multiverse is a comunity project, an administrator allowed me to use it. And yeah, my favorite part to write was Mulon walking on the shattered remains of the chute. I'm glad you liked it.
About the partial eclipse, it was an alternate beggining for the story that I had in mind. Basically, what Mulon is saying is that he remembered that once he read reports of Skrall scouts finding pieces of unknown metal that had fallen from the sky. In other words, Mulon sees a Matoran partially eclipsing one of the sunholes and starts to think that the unidentified objects were Matoran who had gotten out of the MU through the sunholes and eventually crashed to Bara Magna. I got the idea of this while reading a history article. It said that in an ocasion in Portugal corpses of an unknown human race (American natives) were brought to the shore by the sea before Colombus 'discovered' America.
Thanks for your comments. As for the Kraata affer, it was normal during Mulon's trip. What happened to it during Mulon's absence when he was searching for energized Protodermis is something that will be revealed near the end. As for the part with Ryla, when Mulon enters teh elevator and goes down a few levels, he arrives to a section of the archives which was completly sealed off and with an airlock, so that's why both can survive. And the new Mulon sounds good.
Ok, I'm not Greg Farshtey, but I'll try to answer them:
- The Bionicle Encyclopedia (the book) says that the passengers must hold their breath during chute rides. Maybe Matoran have extra-lung capacity or something. You could even say that they eat some Kanoka-powered compost before chute rides to ensure that they can travel all the way without having to stop for breath. In my opinion, Matoran would stop regulary in the chute stations to rest a bit and then continue.
- I have a theory about that, and it is that since liquid protodermis is still some sort of liquid metal, the heavy magnetization that it suffers to form the chute system brings it to a state which is more solid than water, like gelatinous or something like that. BS01 doesn't mention Matoran getting wet.
- I think that 4 would be ok, though in canon media we've never seen anyone paying. Maybe the Turaga imposed a tax to finance the war? It would make sense.
- Chutes are basically the most widespread transport system in Metru Nui, other than airships, so I don't see why Ta-Matoran wouldn't use it.
It is indeed a great MoC! Even though it is disproportionated, I love it. You know, I'm always favorable to custom builds and this is no exception. The torso, while a bit too thin, has a nice construction, well-built armor and a nice spiky look. The arms are great and I wouldn't change them. I specially like the hands with fingers and the customized vahki leg piece.
The legs aren't bad at all, but since they share a very similar build with the arms, the lenght is the same and this is what makes Mulon look disproportionated. My only suggestion here would be changing the vahki leg piece for a longer one, like a Rahkshi leg piece or something like that. In fact, in BZPower there was a lot of discussion about how the Glatorian Legends had too long arms. Some members argued that arms should only reach halfway through the femur, while others say that since Toa are not human, they should not follow human proportions strictly. In my opinion, a Toa MoC with human-like proportions looks more harmonious and less ape-like than one with the arms as long as the legs/the legs as short as the arms.
However, it's not a big issue on Mulon, and it's up to you if you want to change it or not. I still like the MoC, and I think that it is better than the previous Shadow Mulon.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:06, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
I read last chapter of WitD some days ago, but unfortunately sixth form has taken over my life and I barely have time to stay on the computer. In fact, tomorrow I have chemistry exam (I'm starting to hate the Periodic Table and the oxidation numbers), but I've decided to take a small break and post this message. The chapter was great, I didn't expect you to make Tollubo find the Vahi so early, and it was actually a nice detail that the one carrying it was the the unnamed Matoran (Glon) and not the Toa. And, relating to that, I must admit that I find the burial place of Varna very cool, and possibly hard for you to make, since I never heard of sand beaches in scotland. Anyway, the burial and the new Glon are very nice. Also the deaths of Scratch and Harma were pretty good, especially Harma's death, I expected some cultist to kill him (and the chuet shuttle is a good idea! It's a good solution to the many problems that the chute system seems to have).-- 6 cups in one year! 14:37, September 26, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks! I did well in the chemistry exam, it wasn't that terrible after all.
I just read your september update on CGW. It was a bit saddening to know that you will end your stories in mid 2012 but not shocking, considering that I’m experiencing lack of free time too.
Since you revealed your story plans, I though I had to share mines with you. I won't do anything beyond Shadow Play; I had some good ideas for two epics, set in post 2005 Metru Nui, but I won't have time to write them. If you would like to hear some of the plot so you can recycle some elements, just tell me and I will do that along with trying to upload a photo of the main protagonist (I mocced it like a year ago, but I've been to lazy to photograph it). The protagonist has a custom build, so if you want I could send you instructions. Anyway, in the immediate future I hope to write quicklier in WLBTW and SP. I will try to write next chapter of SP in a paper and later typing it to computer - a teacher of mine told me that it could be a good technique.
Knowing that I still have to read the end of WitD, FC and Falling into Black before reading your last serial is good. Since there are not much chapters left for shadow play (maybe 15-20 more approximatedly), and WTLBTW is a third from completion, I could help you in some of your future stories (I could help to give ideas, make Voyatoran MoCs, suggesting names for characters, or even cowriting some parts, if you wanted).
Also, your Toa of Fire MoC is great! I like it a lot, the fire sword is cool and the overall build is imposing.
PS: I see you've moved much of your activity to CBW, and since we're really the only ones editing here, do you think that we could move definitely to CBW? CBW could use a few more users, and I'm seeing that since you are getting feedback there, maybe I could get more feedback too.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:28, October 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Iolan and Kerannato: I made custom voyatoran build long ago, so if you wanted I could try to build Iolan. It should be uploaded in less than five days, given that I find the pieces I need quickly. It is mostly finished, buty I still need to fix stability in the torso and do the legs.
- This actually sounds good, since the Pakari is an expressive mask (like most Kanohi Nuva).
- Well, the thing is, if the Matoran was well known in the village, all would know that she had been mutated since Hordika Venom radically alters appearance. Maybe she could be infected with something else or (and this relates to another of your questions) she could be addicted to connecting to the Bohrok hive mind through Krana. You could tell that she had acces to Krana since she worked as a Krana pit guard or something.
- I would prefer to see the images first and then decide names or whatever.
I'm writting this because I just remembered that tomorrow I've got a day off school (to commemorate colombus' arribal at america I think) so I can continue studying tomorrow. Let me start with plot ideas:
- (This isn't an idea)If you want to use Bohrok, you will have to give a reason to why they are awakening. Furthermore, you should think why are the Bohrok in the Southern Continent anyway - their main purpose is cleaning Mata Nui's face, so they are far too south.
- About the mission of the group, they could be working at the Southern Continent for many reasons:
- Investigate what happened to amissing Metru Nui citizen apparently lost in the Southern Continent.
- Doing some field research for Dessal.
- Investigating an anomalous phenomenom of some kind.
- They could be at the southern continent to track down and find a dessertor or something like that; given that in the Fractures universe they're at war, it wouldn't be so strange.
- They could have been at the SC even before the Toa protagonist appeared, maybe trapped there during the war while doing some research.
Before considering this I would like you to tell me what ideas you had in mind, anyway. I like the idea of Torlo being a hero in decline. And while Bohrok in the SC is a contradiction, I like the idea of a Krana-controlled village. However to solve the Krana thing, you could have that the elder of the village was paid by Dessal to storage Krana and Borohk right under their village, or something similar.
I like your idea for the bohrok! Them being originally placed there (maybe in the Nui Caves?) is a good explanation. (The follwing text is written on the hypotesis that you want the bohrok to have a central role instead of them being filler) about all this Bohrok affair, I think that if you really want to give it a central role in the story (and exploring Bohrok lair sounds awesome!), you could do in a different way. I mean, instead of revealing the mystery and making the Bohrok be the main antagonists since chapter 1, you could first present an immediate threat (not Bohrok), and as the story progresses the murky waters settle and the characters realise that the true threat is underground or something like that. Something similar happens in the Bionicle Paracosmos (some of my favorite epcis written for Bionicle, you should check them here http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=210863 if you ever have time), where the mystery is relevealed bit by bit as the story progresses and while the Toa fight the immediate threat (which isn't the real threat in the end). In fact, the author of the Paracosmos stories, Bonsiii, once said that to reveal a mystery he needed three epics: one that presents the mystery at the end, another that works around the mystery and a final one revealing the mystery. Obviously, you won't make three epics, but the same formula can be minimalised and translated to a single story.
About Iolan, the MoC is done, now I just need to get my hands on my camera and take some photos on him (I don't know when I will be able to do that, though). How did you make your voyatoran photos look so good? There are no obtrusive shadows making the photo look bad.
I will comment on the Dalek-krana thing when the gallery becomes public, but as far as it goes the idea sounds cool. Maybe the bohrok-bohrokva-whatever took control of the swarms since the queens were absent?
Never heard of Jhon Proctor, but it sounds like proctology (if you know what that means). Just kidding, that can give Torlo more depth as a character. And I like the idea of the main protagonist (do you have name for him?) being killed in the end.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:57, October 13, 2011 (UTC)
I was mistaken then. I though you were speaking about Santis when I read this:
"Additionally, I think that he could develop feelings for Connla as the story progreses only for her to be killed by a Lehvak. Then, at the end, he could bump into the same Bohrok that killed her. Whilst I know that is quite vague, I think it would be a good idea to kill him off in the finale. He could finally regain self respect before giving his life to destroy the Lehvak."
I guess I was just drunken or something like that XP. Regarding the story plans, they fit the concept I told you perfectly. However, what would bring Iolan to betray the others? If I recall correctly Iolan is a Toa of Fire who kicked Rotam's ass in some of your early stories. Why would a hero like this become a monster? The first answer that comes to my mind is that since this Iolan is from the Fractures Universe, his life was different from the one that he would have had in the DoD universe. In other words, life would have shaped his personality in a different way. But this isn't enough; we need to give a reason to why Iolan would betray the Matoran other than he's twistedly evil.
On a side note, I've been recently playing STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl, and I've seen something that could be good for the plot. In this game, you are one of the illegal poachers of the Chernobyl exclusion zone. You wake up and only remember that you have to kill a guy called Strelok. Then you have to complete many quests to find out who you are and who is Strelok, going north and visiting many abandoned labs. Near the end of the game, the protagonist leaves what could be said the "safe" limit of the zone, and ventrues to the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant to finally discover who he is. From this, I think that some elements that could be included would be quests in which Santis tries to know find out who he is, and finally recalling in the endgame of the serial. Also this game remembers me that atmosphere is very important - so it could be interesting to work around the atmosphereo of the southern continent.
Interesting to know who Santis is. However, I don't want to know any more Judgment Day spoilers, I prefer it taking me by surprise.
- Iolan's tourment sounds like a good idea. It makes more evident that being 'fixed' is more than just getting a smaller build.
- Nice idea... maybe the Order of Mata Nui's ship that carried the Bohrok to the sourthern continent was attacked by the Brotherhood, damaging many of the bohrok. The ship would finaly reach it's destination more or less in one peace and leave the Bohrok at the Nui-Caves. However, when Bhorok X awoke them, there were too few of them, and that could be a reason why the Bohrok could be kiddnaping Matoran (this is just a suggestion/idea). Also, the OoMN ship could have sank during the trip back, which could result in Santis getting hold of a Kaukau or something and investiage the shipwreck in search for info.
- That WiTD chapter was really good, the whole Buckah part was pretty interesting to read (him showing his brain, being insane and lucid at times, the whole conversations with Tollubo, etc.). I expected Lihkan to die (since it was the most voted option in a poll somewhere), but not Vishola. Other than that, can't say anything but that I can't wait to read teh final chapter (and also to read more of Frozen Calling, that is my personal favorite amongst your serials).
Unfortunatley this weekend I can't read the first chapter of FitB - on monday I have two exams which are very, very hard (spanish and chemistry). However, I may review the chapter on monday afternoon, and if you wanted, another preview for WitD (something like your preview, written from Santis prespective and shorter than my average chapter length).-- 6 cups in one year! 15:54, October 21, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, now that my week is over, and I won't have to go to school until wednesday, I think I will be able to write Santi's preview. However, I want to know first what you had in mind for his personality. Also, since you asked for a Voyatoran, I built one and I will upload it sometime between today and tomorrow.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:23, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for giving me info about Santis, it will be useful. Just one more thing: how did he arrive to the Southern Continent? (You don't need to explain the whole voyage, just if he arrived by Toa Canister or by other means of transport).
About the story plans, I think that bringing the Skakdi back to Voya-Nui is a good idea. In the chapters that you haven't planned, maybe you could include the shipwreck secene or something like that. The rest is ok for me, expcept for two parts in the final chapters:
- If I read the text correctly (trust me, I'm pretty tired so maybe I haven't read it well), Santis disappears just before bohrokx appears. I'm ok with that but in orther to avoid doing a deus ex machina later (by making Santis magically reapearing to save the Matoran), you should mention before he disapears something that hints that he's going to hide and that he will be waiting for the right moment (or something similar).
- I really like Bohrok-X's MoC, and I have no problem with it being like a Dalek, but using Terminating Rays and saying TERMINATION! makes it look a bit out of place in a BIONICLE story and also it's too much Doctor Who. Again, I have no problem with Bhorok-X, but maybe he could use some other type of rays, or maybe have powers like those of the Bahrag.
And don't worry if you can't post the chapter on Halloween. I prefer to wait some more days to a rushed chapter, and I bet it will be worth the wait since it is a serial finale.-- 6 cups in one year! 20:36, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, makes sense that he got there by an Olmak wearer. However, how much does he remember about his mission, why he is there and who he was in the past? I promise you it's the last question I ask you about Santis :P.
Also, I wanted to tell you that I'm doing the CAE exam on late november, which means that I'm going to have to study very, very hard, if I want to pass (the exam is so damn hard... I had never hated listening activites until I started studying for this exam).
And about the shipwreck idea, I'm fine with it not carrying any Bohrok, it makes more sense the way you explained it, and after all, I only suggested it carrying Bohrok as an excuse to see a shipwreck exploration in a BIONICLE story. The whole part of the flooded cavern is actually a very good idea. And for the Bohrok-X matter Krana/Rahkshi powers sounds fine.
About the Jolun affair: No, I didn't notice Jollun appearing less in the story, as I think that one of the strong points of WitD is how the villians are treated. They aren't just plain evil. For example, Terminator is a mercenary and will work for money, but also left the Dark Hunters when he though that they had fallen to dishonor. So even though I would like to see Jollun in the final chapter, it's ok that he didn't get that many screen time and I'm glad that some villians had a similar screen time as him. I've always liked stories that weren't purely centred around the heroes, and you will have noticed that in Shadow Play I try to switch the point of view between "heroes" and "villians" often.-- 6 cups in one year! 19:59, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
Well, I hope you get a good mark at history. I no longer do history at school but it is much more interesting than philosofy, which is a compulsory subject. Anyway, I do think that the Ga-Matoran dying during the shipwreck exploration or whatever is a good idea. The teleportation thing sounds good too. About Jollun's story, I think it's a really good idea, as you would be able to resolve some loose ends of witD. I will read the last chapter of WitD when it's fully posted online.
Also, for your blog thing, I think I'm going to enter Serhaktem. He's a member of a canon species (Skakdi), but I didn't really use him outside the two chapters that I wrote for Tales of the Agori. -- 6 cups in one year! 16:06, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
Never mind about Seraktem, if you don't feature him anywhere it's ok. I guess I missunderstood the contest purpose :P. I would review last chapter of WitD, but I just can't as of now. The following two weeks I'm going to have an explosive coctail of cambridge exams mixed with school exams. That means that I have three days to prepare the incoming exams, and then I will start having two exams per day until the 3d of december, the day which I will do my CAE exam and that will mark the end of the first-term evaluation. So, in the following days I will have to study physical education, spanish grammar, english for the CAE exam, catalan grammar and literature, geology, biology, modern science, chemistry and maths (I must get a good mark in the maths exam since I failed the previous one :( ). As you can see, I have reasons to be stressed. However, I promise I will post a review on the 4th of december of chapter 12.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:53, November 17, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, so it's finally over. No more exams until after the winter holidays (not counting a philosophy exam I have in two weeks time). The two chapter story serial (was it "Over your sholuder" or "Vendetta"?) sounds cool and I look foward to reading it.
About WitD, there are some parts of chapter 12 that were really outstanding. During the chapter, we see that Tollubo is at the verge of cracking-up, having killed for the first time as a Toa shortly before, and I like how he is shown making mistakes (jumping off his vehicle though it floated), confrontating with Orakham and actually not noticing the shard sticking out of is head. The whole conversation between Mudro and Fluvia was also memorable. But the best part, in my opinion, is when Mudro gets his leg mutated and starts remembering his past. The whole backstory is very interesting, and the fact that Mudro's inability to feel anything is what led him to crime, instead of vengeance or pure evilness, makes it a lot more original and builds up an intriguing character.
Regarding to FITB, I read in your latest blog post that I have to write chapter 3. I suppose that I have to write up to where Santis and Torlo meet. I have already started the chapter and I will try to get it finished ASAP.
Yeah, I got one quick question:
- In the Fractures Universe, there was no Teridax and no Great Cataclysm, which means that Voya Nui never separated from the Southern Continent. However, in the story you somtimes refer to the place as an island. In the chapter should I call the place where the characters live Voya-Nui or Southern Continent? And is it an island or a part of the continent?
Ok, I posted chapter 3 on CBW. I don't think it's my best, as it's the first thing I write in a long time, but I hope that at least the chapter follows the guidelines you gave me :P. In the end, I decided not to rewrite what you had already posted in the preview, but instead what happened before it and after it.-- 6 cups in one year! 11:52, December 11, 2011 (UTC)
I'm really glad you liked the conversation, it was the part that I enjoyed the most while writting the chapter. And yes, I see that you have found my reference to Tiam. It was a last-minute addition, but I found it fitting. About Torlo being a bit out of character, well, that was my fault. I guess I didn't understand it enough, so feel free to edit it. Also, the chapter was written with your preview in mind, so yes, it would be good if this was placed after the arrival scene and before the converastion thing.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:34, December 11, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter 8 of FC was interesting! I liked a lot how you portrayed Glonor's dark side. He always seemed to be in control of the situation and that was good. In fact, when he does the wooden stool trick, it remembered me of the TV series "The Mentalist", in which the protagonists often does things like that to catch the criminals. The part with Niniam was also good, but the scene with Glonor threatning Glidus was the best in my opinion.
On an unrelated note, I haven't been online lately for two reasons: it was my birthday on thursday, and I've been finishing 'What lies behind the wall?'. I'm very close to finishing that short story, but I'm stuck at the end (there's a standoff I don't know how to resolve) :P . However, I hope to be able to write the end of the story soon and post it. I don't know when that be, though, as I have to read Tirant lo Blanc (a book 323 pages long) this winter holidays.-- 6 cups in one year! 13:57, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks, but my birthday was on last thrusday, on the 15th. Sorry if I have expressed myself incorrectly. I will give some though to your ideas. The second one sounds good, but I still have to think how it will fit with what I had in mind. Anyway, the story is very, very long (9713 words so far) so I think that I will try to not extend too much whatever option I choose.-- 6 cups in one year! 10:10, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
Well, I was actually referring to the story as a whole, not part 4. The whole short story is 10.697 words. Anyway, thank you for your kind works, I appreciate them.
Talking about the short story... it's posted! (Read it here) I have just finished posting it here and I will post it to CBW whenever I have time. Do I have your permision to post it on BZPower? The protagonist is Mulon, who you created, so I will only post it if you allow me to do so.
By the way, don't feel rushed to post a review of the short story. What I have just posted (part 4, part 5 and the epilogue) are nearly half of the story and I understand that is a long thing to read. I hope you enjoy it!-- 6 cups in one year! 17:52, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
No virus yay!
I'm deleting a message I sent you about me having a virus - the problem's solved now, thanks to an online tutorial :) .
I'm glad you liked WLBTW. Reviewers of some of my past stories had told me that my characters had small characterization, so I intended to work hard in this one. You are right about Ryla, that's exactly how I pictured her. I also wanted to work around Mulon's character, so I showed two sides of him - a civilized side (when he was with Ryla) and an insensitive and brutal side.
Rahoura is a special case. He is a Ta-Matoran whose MoC I made in late 2010 - early 2011, I'm not exactly sure. Well, the thing is, I had planned two story serials for him, but due to time constrains I won't be doing them. I really liked his character (he was as cynical as Holden Caufield, he was a compulsive liar and arrogant), so I'm trying to include him wherever I can, even if it is just an indirect appareance.
So, back on topic, after deleting the virus, I read Frozen Calling, and I think that the plot is getting more and more interesting. It was really funny when Nokama and Glonor discuss about having a password, and Glonor says that he never read a book. I also enjoyed the whole part with the bunker and the bikers, as both Glonor and the Elda wearer were lying, and both knew that the other wasn't telling the truth. Also, the mystery growing around the Bunker and the 'hired gun' sounds interesting. Can't wait to read more.
It would be great if you made a MoC and page for Ryla. About Rahoura, here is the only decent photo I managed to take. As you can see, he wears a Kadin. Though you may not see it in the picture, he has a custom build so he can move his legs, neck, etc. more freely.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:17, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
I had always imagined her to have a standard Metru-Nui build. About homeland... I hadn't thought about it but I guess it's Metru Nui, as she mentions it as her home. And thanks, he's my favorite Matoran MoC.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:08, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
I have to say that I didn't expect so many chapters posted so soon. It was a pleasant surprise. Jollun using shadows, and having him to figure out where his enemy was in the darkness, was original. It made sense that Jollun didn't kill the Glatorian, after all the strange events in Thetys ('Temptation', his journey to afterlife and return, etc.). And Tollubo's death seemed fair, after all he had gone through. I have to point out, though, that if Tollubo dropped his sword in mid-air while falling, the sword wouldn't necessarily go up and out of reach because it was made out of a lighter metal. Remember that the speed that objects fall is not determined by mass, but by the resistance that it has to air friction.
Anyway, chapter 14 was a surprise and it was fun to read. The first part is the 'mystic' side of Tollubo's return, and the second part is more the 'clinic' side. I liked how the bullets weren't the cause of his comma but rather the shard of glass (which he injured with after uncessesarily jumping out of the Vahki Transport's window XD). In fact, the scene with the boats carrying souls remembered me of the 3rd movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.
About the epilogues, probably the first one (with Gibrak and Tourik) is my favorite, though the other are good too. It was good to see how irrelevant was Matau's effort to do something brave and I didn't expect the transformation of Danza into a Toa.
I hope you have a happy new year! Now I will have to study geolgy and philosophy during the following week, and that doesn't sound fun, but well, no one said that high-school had to be easy :P .-- 6 cups in one year! 12:11, January 1, 2012 (UTC)
Hey, you've mentionied in vairous occasion that you will have your account blocked to evade distractions during your examinations. When will that be? Also, if you don't mind leave me a plan for some chapters of FitB so I can work on something while you're being buried by exams (not that I'm going to have free time in the next two weeks, but whatever).-- 6 cups in one year! 20:02, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Ok, seems a good plan, but by saying that the village doesn't exist do you mean that, they get into an abandoned mine/clearing deep in the forest/whatever and they find ruins, or is it that they find nothing (like just a dead-end)? Why does the group want to go there? When you say that the chapter starts and ends at nightime do you mean that it starts at 2 am and finisheds at 11 pm, or that it starts at 10 pm and ends at 2 am?
Sorry if I'm asking too much questions. My idea (the one I have right now, can be modified to fit your plans) is that Santi's group (after the argument, the Rahi incident and the injury) gets into an abandoned mine, and deep inside it they find that there's moss on the walls, which implies that there must have been some light source regulary there (this could be a little foreshadowing impling that Tahnok-Va use the cavern as a passageway to the surface). Some Matoran could point out a rumour of some torch-carrying dwarfs, while another points out at an outcast Skakdi comunity. The whole discussion would be cut off by the discovery that the village doesn't exist, and in the end they are surounded by the dark. Also, since you said that in chapter 6 Visorak chase Santis & Co, I might leave a hint or two that Visorak also use the tunnels.
About characterising Fiancha... well, in his page there's nothing written regarding his personality, so I will have to invent it.
Oops, now I understand why I had so many doubts about the expedition and it's purpose - I hadn't read chapter 4! I must have missed it after I had some important exams last week. Anyway, now that I have read it things are a lot more clear. I still need you to give me the list of the Matoran who go to the quest and their names (I already know Torlo, Goll, Connla, Kyros, Finacha and Krennato, but I'm missing some). By the way, it was cool to see how the action of the chapter was centred around verbal confrontations and how characters switched sides according to their interests.
Regarthing to the moss thing, well, I visited two different caves twice in 2011, one in Cantabria and one in southern France. In the first one (more protected), they told me and the group that the number of visites and the duration of the tours through the caves were limited as prolongued use the light focus made moss appear. In the second one (more turistical) that rule was more vague and in some sections of the cave there was moss growing. Moss doesn't need a lot of light, it prefers shady areas as you said, and in fact a continued direct expossure to the sun will probably kill it, and it can live in low light conditions where there's some light regulary. Moss can't live in absolute darkness, it wouldn't be able to do the photosyntesis.
This will probably be the last message I send you before your block (I don't want to disturb you). But I wanted to tell you that I yet haven't had time to start the next FitB chapter. This thursday two bad things happen: the first is that I have an extremely hard chemistry exam that I'm pretty sure I won't pass. The subject in general is hard, but this is just way too much for me :(. This means that I will have to study a lot in the following days so as to try to reach a 5/10. Oh god, how I hate colloidal dispersions. The second bad thing is that I'm getting the CAE exam results, which once again I'm sure I failed.
All this translates into fewer free time, so until friday I won't be starting writting the chapter.
Finally im moving in to MoCs again M1. Thnx 4 ur advice!!Because i have no new sets, im using hero factory n bionicles parts! Im back!
10:30, January 24, 2012 (UTC)BumblebeeStinger Bumblebee10:30, January 24, 2012 (UTC)Bumblebee
Grab the devil by the horns and [...]
Well, I think I must give an explanation for my inactivity during your inactivity.
According to what I’ve read, you guys in the English (or Scottish?) educational system know when you’ll have your exams long before you have them, while here in Catalonia we’re given the exam date normally between 1 and 2 weeks before the exam. So, when you were blocked, I thought that I could do the FitB chapter as well as a short story. But then two very hard exams followed that week, and in every week since you left I’ve had at least two exams. This won’t stop until the 16th of March, I’m afraid.
In this month many things have happened. My life has had better and worse moments, with worse prevailing over good ones, but I really can’t complain. One of the things I can tell you is that Deep Shadows has won in the Karzahni category in the ATYU#2 contest! This means that it’s now official canon and that once BS01 is fixed it should have an article there.
Now, during this hiatus I read some things, I don’t know if on BZPower or anywhere else, but that I thought I’d tell you. But, memories seem to have flown away from my head, something with is starting to be usual :P Anyway, I hope to be able to work again on the chapter that I should have written as of now by the 17th. I hope that you did well in your exams as well as in other life matters! -- 6 cups in one year! 20:46, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
I'll be back
Well, finally I'm back! Now that I've had some time I've read the chapters you've posted during my absence (1 of FC and 2 of FitB, if I haven't missed anything). I liked them, especially the introduction of Karabak to the story.
So now that I have free time... what are the plans for chapter 7 of Falling in the Black? I would be glad to start writing as soon as possible before I get caught again in the middle of an examination nightmare.
I just posted chapter 7 of FitB at CBW. It might be more boring than the previous chapters because there's not much dialogue, so forgive me if it's not that good.
Thanks! I focused a lot in characteritsation in this chapter. I would be happy if you added something to make the chapter more fluid. About Iolan, that's something that I told you that I would do ages ago. And well, the MoC was done and photographied when I said so, but I completely forgot about it and I hadn't uploaded an image until now. Here's the link. Now that I think about it, probably it isn't a suitable image for Iolan since he isn't wearing a Calix.
Well, I didn't understand your question very well,so I will give it two different focus:
- If you meant which Vahki weapon you could give it, my favourite ones are the Brodahk's and Rorzahk's staffs (the blue and black vahki).
- If you meant which weapon I would like in general, probably it would be this shotgun.
Some clarification on the hand desing of the Toa would help too :P
And BTW, you should really check this blog made by one of the BIONICLE comic drawers, it has some really interesting concept art of the early years of BIONICLE. -- 6 cups in one year! 07:45, April 4, 2012 (UTC)
Ummmm................Matoro1?? I suck at giving grim news but anyway....I recently QUIT MOCing as the Bionicle line is discontinued and there are really not much part that it takes to build a MOC or even upgrade Toa Delta.
Bumblebee 06:48, May 3, 2012 (UTC)
Hi my friend! This is really good news. I hope you've been doing good in your exams.
Having the Matoran form a Kaita sounds cool. It could be sort of a tribute to the the early BIONICLE story, when combiners were actually important in the story. Having the Kaita fend off the Visorak would work, though I'm not entirely sure of what would have to be the fates of the Matoran. Probably, since a Kaita means mind-merging the Matoran, Turas and Goll would realize that Kyros was a traitor once their minds de-fussed after fighting the Visorak.
I don't think that we decided on what the underwater adventure was for. Fighting a pit prisioner or something of the like would work, but maybe we should make the trip undewater (and consequently, Krennato's death) have a deeper meaning. Maybe he goes underwater to find something in the wreck that can help them reach Metru Nui, like some navigation charts, but he instead finds something that brings him back his memories. This is just a suggestion, and I really want to hear (read) your say in this matter.
About the blog that's being spammed, you can delete it. What's written there is really old, and this spammer seems to have interest in posting only in that blog.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:55, May 24, 2012 (UTC)
Yeah, probably having Kyros not being purely evil is a good idea. Probably the fates of the Matoran should be up to you, since you will be the one writting JDay. And having Turas take over Goll's identity sounds cool, actually. If the expedition succeeds an they become famous, I don't think Turas would like to be on the spotlight, so maybe he could pretend to be Goll as a homage and as a way to continue his quiet life.
And regarthing the underwater trip, I don't think it would be that hard to pull off. One way that it could happen could be:
- Santis goes to the shipwreck.
- Santis searchs for the navigation maps.
- While searching, he finds something that brings him memory flashes of his past life. The detonator for that could be an OoMN talbet with writtings about experiments related to Matoran regeneration, a stasis tube or even something alien like a biolouminiscent jellyfish (I'm inclined for the later, since it would probably be the simpliest and less spoilery).
- While the images of Karabak's lab (which we would describe vaguely, so at the end of the chapter Santis knows who he is, but the reader doesn't because we don't tell) start to flood his mind, he dropps the airbladder, being stuck in a trance.
- Kreannato wakes him from the trance, stopping the flow of information.
- Then the Boggarak/whatever attack happens, Kreannato dies, etc.
This is just a suggestion. About Santis realising that he no longer needs to regenerate at the lab, that would probably be more tricky, but there are a several ways that it could be done.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:36, May 28, 2012 (UTC)
Well, I haven't been checking wikia lately, so no probs. I've had two very rough weeks having my final exams. Today I've done the final one, a maths exam and now I'm free! (Well, free until I have to start working on my Research Project this summer...) So if you want me to write anything just say so as I have loads of free time now.
Even though I've been studying a lot, I have taken the time to read the chapters you've posted. I think last chapter of FitB worked really well to introduce the Bohrok. I also like how Kyros is blatantly greedy and egocentric. As for FC, I will just say that I can't wait to see what's inside the bunker. That's got me really, really interested.
As for the Underwater Guardian, I guess it would be better then the Boggarak, and probably it would help to link the story with the 2006 setting. Also, it's a perfect excuse to see your MoCing skills in action, so yeah I completley aprove.
Ok. I'm going to write chapter 9 ASAP according to the guidelines you gave me. Regarthing Iolan... well there's a problem. The moc got dismanteled an undetermined amount of months ago. Fortunately, I have found the majority of the torso, but there is a very important piece (a metru chest armor thing). I do remember how I built it, so probably, if I don't have the time to search for the pieces, I'll do a rough draw of how more or less his torso is build for ya.-- 6 cups in one year! 14:50, June 16, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks, I will appreciate the guidelies for the chapter. Today I wasn't able to photograph anything as I got some good teeth surgery. Tomorrow I will start searching for that goddam piece that's missing. Keep in mind though that I will have to walk all the way to my High School and back to recieve the mark bulletin (does that even exist in english?) of the 3rd trimester, which means I'll have limited time.
Ok. I found the piece, but not in red. I found a silver one, but in your MoC a red one would be convenient to avoid breaking the color scheme. Prepared for 5 horribly taken photos? Here they go:
- everything you need
- put the rod with the stopper through the only free hole in the Inika shoulder
- attach the hand with the ball connector + neck + head to the rod
- put the metru chest on the rod. It isn't attached to the Inika shoulder in any way.
- put that black piece, one hole through the rod and the other subjecting the metru chest to the Inika shoulder
I'm sorry to tell you that I've still not started writing chapter 9 of FitB. I haven't been feeling well lately. I wrote two pages, but they were bullcrap so I deleted them. I hope to start writting again as soon as I feel better. Again, sorry for the inconvenience.-- 6 cups in one year! 12:13, June 24, 2012 (UTC)
Thank you for your suport. Lack of social life is killing me, but I will try to get over it. Anyway (and even though I should be working on a Geology project) I'm going to read the Over Your Shoulder prolouge now!-- 6 cups in one year! 12:27, June 24, 2012 (UTC)
Me & My Old Lady
Thanks for showing me this, it helps. You should be the one getting the most credit however, since I only wrote 2 out of 8 chapters. Anyways, I'm glad that FitB is the Featured Story, I think you've put a lot of effort in the planning, the atmosphere and the characters.
I'm still halfways through the prologue... I will continue reading as soon as I get home from the swimming pool/gym today. I can only say that so far it's been an interesting read, specially how Matoro is protrayed as being tired and too old.
I will definately use it, I don't see any reson why I shouldn't. It would probably fit well in the post-battle scene in the evening.
And you've made some really nice MoCs! I like a lot the Turaga design you've used so far in Vinilus, Matoro and the other Fractures Turaga. The Malum looks cool, but the definite best is the Panther and the Visorak. Especially the Visorak, the Barraki claws make it look like how they were portrayed in WoS.
I will definately keep checking CBW to read the chapters. I'm looking foward to reading them, specially Frozen Calling. Anyways, thank you for your suport and I hope you have a fantastic summer too.-- 6 cups in one year! 07:14, June 29, 2012 (UTC)
If just posted chapter 9 of FitB in CBW. Feel free to make any alterations. I wrote the chapter according to what I remembered from the guidelines you gave me, so it may not be 100% accurate. Anyways I hope you enjoyed a lot July! -- 6 cups in one year! 20:03, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
Well, I think it's a good idea, but I don't think that Conjuring is a convenient mask power. The user of the Mask of Conjuring has to give a detailed description of the power along with one weakness of it before using it - something that makes it impractical.
However, since it was voted in a CBW poll, and therefore it's too late to change it, we could just have some artistic license. In other words, we could have Caliga need to only name the power she wants to use, not actually describe it.
PD: To celebrate the 11th Aniversary of BZPower, all members have recieved Premier Member perks, which, in other words, means that I can publish blog entries. However, this expires today, and I took the liberty of making an entry about your Fractures Contest there. I would have liked to ask you for permission, but I don't know how much hours are left before I become a normal member again. Sorry if this causes any inconvenience to you.-- 6 cups in one year! 10:46, July 28, 2012 (UTC)
Caliga looks so cool! That piece you used works well as a Mask of Conjuring. I do agree that she might be an interesting and original addition to the story.
And I see the problem with the Kanohi. Origninally I thought that the scene had to go this way:
- Turas gives up Rode - Iolan gives an (uninfected) Akaku - Gahlok knocks the Akaku out of his face - Iolan goes to the Kanohi cache and infects a Hau - Iolan gives infected Hau to Torlo - Torlo goes mad.
And now I see you wanted it this way:
- Turas gives up Rode - Iolan gives an infected Akaku - Gahlok doesn't knock the Akaku - Torlo goes mad.
The easiest solution I see is saying that he was given a Hau, which he lost when the Gahlok attacked. Then Iolan 'rescues' him from drowning and gives him the Akaku. If you don't mind, I will try to edit it myself; judge the results afterwards and see if it fits your plans.
Regarding the trees, well, I suppose that crates make more sense. I didn't re-read chapter 8 to write chapter 9, so most of the innacuracies are caused by this.
Thank you for the review! I was actually afraid that the last part would be worse, since I was in a rush to see the Olympic Games Presentation and I was writting very fast.
And you don't need to apologise for editing my chapters. I think that they're much more polished with your edits as well as easier to read.
I think we should postpone Kyros' betrayal at least one chapter. He has just recieved his Krana and another chapter where some evidences are planted would be good. By the way, there's a hint in Chapter 9 that shows that Kyros has kept his Krana. Can you find it?
You guessed it! The biggest hint though is this:
- "Next thing Torlo knew, Kyros was running away, a Krana Xa attached to his face."
- "Kyros was lying unconscious on the floor, a crushed Krana Za and a life-less Gahlok next to him."
Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more chapters of yours. Specially Frozen Calling! I whish I had as much free time as you do, though. I will be working all August in a scale model of a massife next to my town :( . It's part of a research project I have to do for High School. If I don't get a decent mark, I'm not allowed to go to University, so I'm gonna have to work real hard.-- 6 cups in one year! 11:51, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
Nice guys finish last when you're the outcast
Sounds good, I'm gonna go read Chapter 10 right now. BTW, Kyros' Krana is a Xa, and it's colored in the same blue as his Kanohi, to conceal it better.
About chapter 11, ok, I will follow the plan. I guess that before the battle with Caliga, I could show some hints about Santis' origin (see more in the "Santis" section of your talkpage for more info on that). Speaking of which, have we decided when will Santis discover his true identity? -- 6 cups in one year! 20:59, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
Ok then, here's what I have planned for next chapter:
- Start with Torlo's team.
- Then change to Santis and Krennato. I'm still undecided about what to do here. I like your idea, but there are two problems:
- I have no idea of how an OoMN ship could end up in an underground cave in a Bohrok Nest.
- Coral in general can't grow in the absolute darkness that you described. They need some light to live. However, Red Coral (which grows in the western Mediterranean), needs very few light to survive. I could edit the snippet and say that there was some light, just not enough for Santis to be able to see anything.
- For this two reasons I've though that maybe at the end of their tunnel, Krennato and Santis find some kind of teleporting device. I'm unsure of what it could be. Maybe an Onu-Metru Kanoka? Any ideas on this matter would be appreciated.
- The two teleport to the Voya Nui bay accidentally. Santis finds a piece of the ship in the shore of the bay (which is now a lake) and uses his psychometry on it. Santis sees it is a OOMN ship. Knowing that there might be some Navigation Charts that they could use to reach Metru Nui, he decides to go there.
- However, Krennato warns him that the bay is full of Naval Mines left over from the war. The only acces to the bottom of the lake is through a partially-colapsed sunken section of the Nui Caves.
- Then I would put "Santis fights off a Takea" section you wrote, with minor edits, if any.
- Have them reach the wreck, examinate it, and find the navigation charts. Santis finds a jellyfish, and some vague memories of Karabak's Thetis lab start to flood his mind. The Toa still doesn't understand them. Confused, he gets out of the wreck and tries going back to the tunnel.
- Caliga sees them, thinking they are trying to steal the Ignika (the other snippet you wrote, "Caliga's first storyline appearance", this one without any edits at all).
- A fight ensues. I will decide how Caliga is defeated while I write the fight scene.
- Krennato saves Santis and gives him her air bladder.
- Santis brings both Caliga and Krennato to the shore through the tunnel, but the Ga-Matoran is dead. They teleport back to the tunnel in the Bohrok Nest.
- Then the chapter ends. I'm not sure how to end it, though. Any ideas? Are Santis and Caliga suposed to be knocked out and be brought before Bohrok-X (thought that part wouldn't be shown)? Or maybe the floor they are in sinks and they fall through a tube to the center of the nest, much like the Toa Mata did after defeating the Bahrag?
I'm sorry if this was just a way too long wall of text. :P Anyway as always I want to read your thoughts on this.
And BTW, poor Goll! I mean, he has to wander in a dark tunnel with both Kyros and Iolan! XD I'm looking forward to reading Goll's group part in Chapter 13. Also, when can I expect some more Frozen Calling?-- 6 cups in one year! 13:53, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
Jennifer Lost the War
You're right about the Cape No Hope. But what I said is that there would be a lake on what now is the Voya Nui bay. Moving Caliga's location to the Southern Continent Coast could work, but it wouldn't make a lot of sense that a Guardian of the Ignika was set so far from Mt. Valmai. See my idea of the lake in the bay here (ignore the fact that there's ocean around Voya Nui).
I haven't started writting the chapter yet. Are you going to give Caliga a steed finally? Do I include it in my chapter, or are you going to scrap it?
Ok then, I will use the tube ending. And I see my mistake with Iolan and Goll's group; while reading Chapter 10, I missread the groupings and understood that Torlo had been left alone with the chicks. :P
About the Kaita thing, who would Goll form the Matoran-Kaita with? If Kyros betrays Goll and Turas while they are alone in the tunnel, then they would need another Matoran to form the Kaita, since Kyros would refuse to get into the fusion.
PD: Just saw the Killing of Kazat thing... I suppose that makes harder guessing who Santis is. Even though it's a half-truth that he won't be returning.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:13, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
Ok, v2 with a river is here. You can put it in the Fractures article if you want, but keep in mind that it shouldn't have ocean all around it.
I actually think that your idea with the Kaita works. Turas would get some protagonism too, and that's good.
It's strange that a user was able to decipher who Santis is. In fact, the only clues that have appeared in FitB are:
- Santis saying "Onu-Matoran are full of surprises", which references to Tiam, which means that he had to be in Thetys.
- Some flashes of memory that I will write for next chapter, in which Karabak's lab is vaguely described.
So yeah, I don't know. Maybe the user figured out by himself, but it could also be that he came and read our talkpages here, which means that he already knows what will happen at the end of FitB.-- 6 cups in one year! 20:40, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
In my car in your street is where I stay
Frist of all I apologise for Chapter 12 taking so long to write. I've been very busy lately and I will have to do a hellish amount of work in the next two/three weeks, but still I think I'll find the time to finish it.
So far I've written four pages, and I hope to write at least 2 more this afternoon.
I've been reading the Frozen Calling chapters you've posted, and they are quite good! The descriptiono the descent to the underground bunker was actually tense, and the real purpose of the bunker itself was something unexpected.
Crystallus death was really well done. By the end of the chapter there was an atmosphere of triumph, which is cleverly broken to pieces by the Ko-Matoran's death. Nokama's death was even more surprising. I had expected her to survive the syren, just like she had last time, so it was a good twist.
I still don't have a clue of who might be the hired gun (and please don't tell me!). I suppose it would have to be someone who Nokama trusted. Glacii and Algor are both out of suspect, so that leaves very few options.
Birus is one of them, but then again both Glonor and Algor have discarded him, and I don't think that Nokama would trust him. She would probably trust Nian, but the problem is, Garnax is keeping hostage the wife of the hired-gun, so that probably discards her, as well as the other female cop who Glonor dislikes.
Anyway, please don't tell me who the killer is! I bet it's going to be a big surprise. Just one question: do deparment runners like Birus have to take postion when the siren starts sounding?
Wow!!!! This is awesome man! I can not express with words how grateful I am that you revamped Crystallus for me. He was the firt 'main character' I created for my stories so this means a lot to me.
The MoC itself is amazing. The first thing that comes to mind when I see it is the 2001-Kopaka feeling. The Tahu-like hand, the sword, the shield, the Great Kakama, everything screams 2001 here, and that's great. Even the torso loosely resembles a Mata torso. I don't know if you were aiming for this, but you nailed it.
The proportions are right, unlike many of the canon sets, the arms have just the appropiate size in comparsion to the legs and the torso. Speaking of the torso, I'm amazed by how you managed to make it custom and at the same time avoiding making it either too bulky or too thin, which are common problems in custom torsos.
The level of detail is also awesome. I always appreciate this in MoCs - even if it is just a technic piece here or there, a Barraki fang for decoration or a Bohrok eye for filling gaps. It helps to give a better flow to the Moc. I specially like the use of the horseshoe-shaped pieces here.
And I'm glad I chose the Brodahk staff. It looks good, and the way you made it connect with the black Tahu hand is clever!
Let me thank you again for building this for me. I'm afraid I can't accept it, though. As you said, sending it all the way to Spain wouldn't be wise. Still, know that you will have my support for your storyline up until the end. I have never reviewed your stories expecting anything in return. I do it because I like them :)
And I'm sure going to be ready to read more FC chapters as soon as they're posted!
PS: I already knew of Bonecrusher, you already mentioned it to me a few months ago - you said that he was inspired by my description of Teridax in Shadow Play, and that's awesome!-- 6 cups in one year! 09:41, August 19, 2012 (UTC)
I'm sorry I've been delaying Chapter 12 of FitB for so long, but there's a reason behind that. Some months ago, my parents decided that we would make another bedroom for my little brother in the room were we storaged toys and books.
Thing is, now the time to empty the room has come. That means that I've been packing away things in boxes for the past days. It's kinda sad, as my whole BIONICLE collection is being packed and carried to our second home in a small town half an hour by car. I think this simbolises the end of an era for me, maybe even a necessary step.
This translates into the fact that I won't be able to make any MoCs anymore. I will still have some MoCs and sets that are on the shelf of my room (Rahoura, completely dismantelled Tahkon, the partially dismantelled Bahrag Queens), however.
The fact that everything in the room has to be put in boxes means that I've had to make a list of all the books which we are carrying to our second home. I've managed to save from oblivion all the Foundation novels, a Sherlock Holms book, The Cather in the Rye and Chthulu's Myths.
Oh my bad, your birthday was yesterday! How could I have forgotten??? I feel ashamed for having forgotten... specially since you actually took the time to revamp Crystallus for me. I'm sorry. But I guess that I'm just 22 hours late! XD
Anyway, happy birthday man! I hope you enjoy being 17. I sure hope you do, since it is the last year in which you can get into fights and be arrested without going to prison! :P
I had actually planed something for ya. Something that I should have written 2 years and one month ago (hint!). I will actually try to get it done, when I find some inspiration. Lately I've been lacking that a lot. Yeah, that and memory.
BTW, thanks for expanding the deadline for chapter 12. I will still try to get most of it done before September starts, though.
Bang bang it hammers in my head
I'm sorry to tell you that I haven't been able to finish Chapter 11 of FitB in time. I know it had to be done before october, but there has been a combination of unforseen factors that have hindered my progress.
I don't want to make this long, but basically I have to dedicate most of my time to the research project I have to do for highschool and the scale model. I'm in a dead end right now as far as this project goes and it has to be done for the 15th of October. This means that until the research project is finished I won't be able to do anything else.
That is, anything else but exams. Another of the reasons I haven't been able to finish the chapter is the fact that next week there's a crucial chemistry exam that I just can't fail.
Also, I have got a creativity drought. Whenever I've had some spare time to write, all I have typed is unimaginative, bland and boring.
I will post what I got so far of the chapter in a blog post. Feel free to modify it to any extent.
Ok, I decided to take a short break from studying to tell you that I'm still alive. You've got a computer problem? What a coincidence :P. I also had some very serious issues with my computer. To make a long story short, I started getting blue screens of death for some unknown reason, until my computer crashed once and for all and decided to not start again. This means that I had to spent a good week and a half copying files from the hdd to another computer, then, formating the hdd and putting the things back in. Not to mention that I had to reinstall everything.
Anyway, computer problems and exams have been preventing me from doing anything wikia-related. Although I have to admit that, like you have said in one of your blogposts, whenever I have free time I just waste it. But I can't help it.
Also, your girlfriend has suprised me (in a positive way!). She encourages you to write fanfiction? That's weird, awesome and open-minded at the same time. I don't know what would happen if I had a girlfriend and she knew what I did on the internet (mainly, because I've never had a girlfriend and I don't have any expectatives of having one in the next century or so).
Anyway, know that the noose that are exams will loosen its grip on my neck in two weeks time, which means that I will be able to start writing again, unless this writer's block I've been experiencing is chronic.-- 6 cups in one year! 21:54, November 12, 2012 (UTC)
Hey there, Matoro1 (or should I call you BobtheDoctor27? XD). I have just posted chapter 11 of FitB in CBW, and also I have some news regarthing me and my involvement with Falling in the Black.
Let me get straight to the point. I won't be writing anymore chapters of Falling in the Black, thus ending my collaboration to the project. It was a hard decision to make, but I think that it is the best for the project. I mean, you started writing FitB back in autumn 2011 (if I recall correctly) and we're already in 2013. That's even worse considering that your original plans were to have FitB finished by summer 2012. And I know it's all my fault.
The story would have probably already been finished if I had done what I was suposed to, instead of rambling about how depressed I was. I'm very sorry, and the worst part is that it has taken me six months to write chapter 11. That is unacceptable, and even more if you take into account that half of the chapter are the snippets you wrote, and the other half is crap written by me. If that wasn't enough, I know that you will be very busy for the time to come, so I don't think that you can afford me delaying more and more chapters.
There are other factors that have also played an important part in this decision, such as my creativity drought and exam-packed weeks, but mainly I don't want to lower the quality of your story more than I already have. I hope you understand.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:13, January 28, 2013 (UTC)
I'm glad that you understood my reasons. I was worried that you wouldn't like my decision and send Karabak to Spain to kill me :P . Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I've been following with interest your blogs. That comic that you're planning looks really cool, and the prequel was already interesting. It's nice to see someone trying an innovative format such as this.
I also read the last chapter Frozen Calling. While the Glonor and the murderer plotline is interesting, I think that right now the one I'm most intrigued about is Garnax's plotline. Given how both Garnax and Dredzek are the kind of treacherous people who I would expect to have something hidden up their sleeves, I look forward to read how the situation is resolved. Being able to finally read a fragment form the killer's prespective was also neat (in the american sense of the word).-- 6 cups in one year! 15:51, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
Hey, just came back to tell you that I've just read Frozen Calling's latest chapters. I have to say that I really enjoyed them! I wouldn't have thought that Glacii was the hired-gun, mostly because I read the chapters in the wrong order :P. I accidentaly started reading the chapter after The Veil Rises, and I misinterpretated a line, think that the killer's revolver was Algor's and not Glacii's. Anyway, that made the revelation even more unexpected.
Speaking of which, I see that I was able to guess correctly who the killer was two years ago:
- "Well, while I was reading the part of the chapter when Garnax threatned to kill the murdrer's wife, I though that maybe Glacii's wife wasn't dead, but rather captured in Island X. I also thought that maybe Glacii was having a deal with the Kraata Bikers when Glonor and Crystallus went to save him. I guess the theory didn't have much basis, but it was just a quick one that came to my head while reading."
- ―Me, roughly two years ago
I though that the revelation of the murderer's identity was really well handled. The reasonings that Glonor made, whith all the tiny details that everyone else would have missed, really reminded me of "The Mentalist".
Another thing I didn't except is for Algor to have such a pivotal role. His showdown with Garnax was really tense and enthralling. But the best part was probably the various treacheries. We already knew about Garnax's double crossing and Virus' triple crossing, but the rest was surprising. I would have never thought of using the fuel to blow the bunker into oblivion. It was nice to see Tollubo back (the dark counterpart), and how he had already planned to betray Virus.
One thing that I missed was a section about Glonor in the epilogue. How does he feel about the situation? How does he feel about not telling the truth about Glacii? Does he feel remorse for not bringing justice for Crystallus' death? And what is he up to now? Which are his plans for the future? What does he pretend to do about the whole Ninian situation? These were questions that I think that were left unanswered and probably would have fit well in the epilogue.
Changing the subject, I just finished my final exams last week. This doesn't mean that I'm free at last, since I've got the A level exams (if that makes any sense; I'm guessing that the A-levels are the exams that you have to do to enter university, in Spain they aren't called like taht) in three weeks. This means that I'll have to study in this short period of time everything I've done in the past two years. Oh well. :P
Also, I don't have a clue of what to do at university. Both parents and teachers have been pushing me, trying to get me to decide which degree I want to do, but they have failed so far. :P I'm divided between doing chemistry and geology, and can't decide which of these two to do. How did you choose the degree that you will do next year? I'm curious.
On a final note, I think I should answer the question you asked me about Velika eons ago. Well, I didn't really like the revelation that Velika was a great being at all, for various reasons. The first of all is that Greg hadn't planed from the start to have any Matoran be a disguised Great Being, which means that he just picked a random Matoran. It is a well known fact that he preferred Kapura over Velika. Also, in my opinion it's just killing off an interesting an interesting character. Velika and the whole Voya Nui resistance team were really cool because they were brave, peculiar and unconventional Matoran. Taking that away also washes away part of the magic that the team had. But that's just my opinion XD.
I think that the missile idea is actually better than the end that we had currently planned (Santis making the Valmai erupt). However, we risk pulling off a deus ex machina. To avoid that, I've thought of two things.
First of all, have a Matoran from Goll's village see something in the sky, thinking it was a shooting star, and then looking through the telescope to read "GORAST: Metru Nui Ballistic Defense Division", finding out it is acltually a missile. This would happen at some point inbetween the final showdown with Bohrok X.
Also, we could also have Santis forseeing the bombardment of the bohrok nest through his Mask of Clairvoyance. That way, he could know how much time he had until the missile hit, and prepare accordingly. This would also add up to the tension of the final battle, since Santis knows that he has to defeat Bohrok X before the missile arrives. I would put this section after the Matoran and the telescope, not before. I haven't thought about how Santis and Connla would survive the explosion.
Perhaps, they could run up to the underground lake and somehow survive the cave. Or have them run through one of the tunnels, with not enough time to reach the surface, and have Santis absorb the incoming wave of fire. I don't know.
Regarding Claiga's power, I had thought that, since she is meant to be a guardian of the Ignika, we could do a tribute to Vezon and Kardas. Her Kanohi would absorb any energy thrown at her, and than Caliga could release them in the form of concussive orbs. Another idea I had is the Mask of Darkfield, which would create a field around the user and the targets which would make light unable to work, similar to the Field of Shadows.
I'm still unsure about university. To tell the truth, I'm not passionate about either chemistry nor geology. I like most of what's teachen in geology, but I find a large part of it very boring. There's not much competition as far as workplaces go, since nobody wants to go, but there are no jobs anyway for it. I don't really like the prospect of working assesing architects or doing petroleum prospections. As for chemistry, I like what we've done so far in the past two years, but I'm not sure if I like the degree enough to take it.
PD: Recently, I was shuffling through my brickshelf gallery, and found that I have a cool Toa of Fire MoC that I haven't really used anywhere. It's [this] one. I wondered if you could find a place for him in any of your stories. I don't know if you'll be able to use him, since it was stablished that the number of Toa in the Fractures universe is limited. But it would be cool to see him, even if just as fodder. -- 6 cups in one year! 16:46, May 22, 2013 (UTC)
Hmm, you're correct about no Matoran being on the surface. Random setelment works perfectly. And I had thought that the Gorast was more like a thermonuclear warhead, but I guess it makes more sense this way (otherwise, why would Vinilus have risked launching one just in front of the coliseum? XD). I'm not sure about the missile's prupose in FitB though. Maybe it could hit Mt Valmai and cause the eruption, instead of diverting it? I don't know. Either way, I think that using the missile is a good way to link Fitb and FC.
As for Caliga's Kanohi, I think that the Hau Nuva would be the best option. While she creates the shield, Santis absorbs de heat. That could work.
An thank you for your uni advice. My situation is much different than your's, I'm afraid :P . There are only two universitites where I could go to study, and both are in Barcelona. And I don't apply for universities. I have to give my school a list of degrees I want to do and where I want to do them (for example, 1st -chemistry - UB, 2nd - geology - UAB, etc.). Each university asks for a minimum mark for each degree acording to how many people want to enter. The more, the higher the mark. If you get a mark higher then the one they ask, you are automatically accepted. For both chemistry and geology the mark is very low (7 and 5 out of ten, respectively), so whichever I put first on the list is the one I'm going to be accepted in.
Anyway, I don't want to bother you more with my uni ramblings. I will try to talk to my chemistry teacher next week, since he has done the chemistry degree.-- 6 cups in one year! 15:15, May 23, 2013 (UTC)
What you say about the volcano is perfectly pausible. Magma is contained in the magmatic chamber at great preassure, since it is deep underground. If there happens to be any crack in the rock above the chamber, magma quicly surges forward and tries to reach the surface, due to the much lower pressure in the crack. Usually, it is only enough to cause a granitic intrusion. However, something as strong as a missile explosion could make the rocks above the chamber shatter and cause a full-blown eruption. So yeah, I think that what you said will work great in the story. :D -- 6 cups in one year! 08:05, May 24, 2013 (UTC)
Dharma and the bomb
Hey there! It's been a long time since I last heard of you. How's everything going?
I myself can't complain too much of how things have been going. I got good marks, good enough to earn a free year at uni. I did well in the final exams, specially in english, chemistry and english. The only thing that saddens me a little bit is the fact that I won't be seeing my classmates on a regular basis anymore, but I'm not complainging since that is part of growing up, I guess.
Also, I've been trying to read some of the stories that you have been rewriting. I currently can't read anything, as due to reforms of my room I have very limited computer access. As soon as the reforms are over I will try to read Over your shoulder and Vendetta. So yeah, be prepared for aoother wall of text of feedback :P
Well, regarding the high-school friends thing, it turns out that my world is smaller than I thought. In Catalonia there are very few universities, and most of them are concentrated around Barcelona. So yeah, I will still be seeing them on a regular basis, even if it is just to catch the train and the metro. I think you're right about the uni friends though - a friend of mine told me the same as you did, almost in the same words (spooky! XD).
I've actually been able to keep up to date on Frozen Calling, I just forgot to mention that in my last message :P . I was very surprised with last chapter. When I wrote about Turas I just thought of him as a wierdo. The fact that you have created an elaborate background for him gives him more depth, so yeah, that's good. One thing that surprised me is that you changed Bohrok X for Nuhvok Kal. I'm not saying that it is a bad change, but it just came as a surprise :P . I also saw that comic preview in one of your blogs, it looks promising so far but I'll wait to read the full thing before commenting.
There's nothing wrong in calling yourself BobtheDoctor27, except for the fact that it remembers me of the Bob the Builder cartoons XD. J/K
By the way, in the following days I will have 0 to none computer access, since my desktop computer is packed away until the reforms in my house end. I'm writing form my brother's laptop, which he uses 24/7. This means that I have a lot of free time, and if you want I could write something for FitB - a chapter or, since we're so close to the end, one of the epilogues. I think I've regained part of the creativity I lost over the year, and I just want to take a break from studying physics XD. Just give me some guidelines and I will work on it fast - I have nothing better to do anyway.-- 6 cups in one year! 14:40, July 30, 2013 (UTC)
I think that is a good idea. Maybe to do some foreshadowing, Santis could look at the Bohrok in stasis and remember about the Thetys lab, without recognizing what it is exactly. We should give some clues to the readers so they don't think that the decision came out of the blue.
Ok, that looks like you did some fine planning. I'll start right away with the Toa trio subplot. I'm not sure about what you want me to write about, though. The whole scene since they find Sonitus, or just the fight with the Matoran? I'd prefer the latter, since Toa trio+chapter 16+one epilogue is a lot of work :P But its your choice and, as I said, I have time in my hands.
Also, I understand that chapter 16 starts when Sarnii finds the three Toa, but when does it end? Should I end it with the Gorast striking, with the revelation of Santi's identity, or somewhere else?
Don't worry about the trio (or thresome XD) subplot, I think I can handle it all. I'll write the whole encounter with Sonitus, the fight and the Krana-take-away. After two months of doing nothing but studying physics and swimming, I think that all this writing will do me good.
Okay then, I'll end the chapter with Santis' revelation. And I'll write that epilogue too, if you want. I have never had the chance to write for Karabak (he would have had some importance in Shadow Play) so it will be fun.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:20, July 31, 2013 (UTC)
I posted in my blog here Santis and Cliga's encounter with Sonitous. I wrote it all yesterday on paper, since I had no computer. Sorry if there any inaccuracies, but I couldn't check it on the wikia :P .
Also, I'll be sure to make Torlo a Toa of Shadows. I have actually planned a bit the dialogue between Karabak and Torlo and I think it will be interesting. We will see :) .
Well, I guess that he would first turn into a Toa, then get light drained. I want to end the epilogue with the Shadow Leech, so that would be the right order.
Also, the image of Sonitou's Krana being a leech was inspired by this quote from The Short Timers by GH: Upon each of us the war has lodged itself, a black crab feeding. What do you think of the rest of the snippet?-- 6 cups in one year! 16:55, August 3, 2013 (UTC)
Thanks for the in-depth review! First of all, let me apologise for the spelling mistakes. I assure you that the paper version of the snippet has almost none of those. The problem was that I had to type it all from the paper to the blog before going on a party with my friends, so I was in a real rush. I had to type very fast, and the result wasn't good :P . I just hope my english teacher doesn't get to read it XD .
As for Santis being wiser, I decided to throw in some character development. I still see him as an irreverent, narcissist and joker Toa, but I thought that his time in Voya Nui would have made him more aware of his actions. That's also why I wanted him to think a little bit about Krennato - he is no longer the same Toa as he was in previous chapters.
And don't worry if you have to change anything in the snippet. I really didn't know anything about Sonitous, so I just wrote him as a generic Toa. Feel free to edit his lines to make him more Kopaka-y :P . It was also a mistake to not mention earlier that he was immobile, so you're right about the need to edit that. The operating table thing sounds good, too.
I think the best Krana would be a Za, since it is the one that Matau and Lewa wore while possesed in 2002. Another option would be the Vu, although my only reasoning here is that I like its shape XD.-- 6 cups in one year! 12:04, August 5, 2013 (UTC)
Hey there, M1. I just wanted to tell you that this week I'm going to resume my work on FitB and write chapter 16. Before that, though, I'm going to re-read the Ghosts of the Past epilogue to freshen my memory on the regeneration thing. I want to add some hints here and there hidden throughout the chapter. Santis will question his origins, his mission and his arrival to Voya Nui.
Also, I still see Santis as narcissistic and arrogant. I think those are traits inherent to him, due to his Le-Matoran nature and the fact that he once was part of the ruler class of Thetys. It's just that he's matured, and now, thanks to Krennato's death, he feels more responsible for the lifes of others, instead of just caring about himself.
By the way, I also re-read the plan you posted for the last chapters of FitB, and I think there's something missing. I remember that we planned to have two traitors, Iolan and Kyros, yet in story only Kyros has been revealed as one. Shouldn't that revelation happen in chapter 14 or 15? We haven't yet shown how Fiancha truly died.-- 6 cups in one year! 13:39, August 12, 2013 (UTC)
Well, maybe 'Santis' could be a curse word in Thetys culture, or something like that XD. I don't know, anything would work really.
Oh, and I completely forgot that you had mentioned the betrayal in chapter 12. By the way, while re-reading the FitB plan, I noticed that one scene - Sarnii saying to Bohrok X that he had been defeated by stairs - was very familiar. Isn't that in a Doctor Who episode? I'm not critizising it, I just found it funny :P .
I will read that snippet as soon as I get a chance, right now I have to study some physics.
I've got a 10 inch... Tv screen
I finally read the snippet. So far so good. The Iolan betrayal becomes crystal clear, and it's fun to read Torlo suddently putting two and two together. And I think that the Matoran classification is a good idea. It serves Iolan right, too XD.
And that Matoro58 is a guessing machine! It's surprising that he managed to get so many of those right. It's just another sign that you have finally consolidated in CBW, which is good. You finally got a sizeable fanbase, you deserved it.
About Bohrok X's master plan, I don't think that killing Mata Nui would work. If you think about it, the Great Spirit Robot is probably the universe's most powerful weapon. Why would the Brotherhood want to destroy it?
What I was thinking is that Bohrok-X plans an attack on Metru Nui. To do it, he assembles a massive army of Bohrok (the one in the nest). He enslaves entire villages of Matoran to make his army larger. And when the time comes, he will activate the signals that will awaken the Bohrok in the nests under Metru Nui. The Bohrok in Metru Nui will cause the collapse of the rearguard, making the city an easy prey for the Bohrok army that will come marching from the Southern Continent.
That could work, but I guess that anything other than destroying Mata Nui would.
And thanks for your kind words. I have certainly enjoyed a lot my time working with you in this story. Even if I probably was the cause of many delays, I'm happy to have been able to collaborate with you. The other day I was revising the plans for FitB (not the new ones, but the earliest ones) and I realized how much the idea that both of us had in the beggining changed with time, as our ideas combined, changed, fell into place to make this story that I'm proud about. -- 6 cups in one year! 21:13, August 14, 2013 (UTC)
About the core processore thing, Mata Nui must be alive, because if not, the light, day-night cyicles, gravity and everything else that makes the foundations of the universe wouldn't work. Maybe when Jollun sacrificed himself he damage the core processor, maybe not enough to kill Mata Nui, but rather to leave him in a vegetative state. So Mata Nui would be alive, just not capable of doing anything that are not basic functions.
Also, did we decide which Kanohi Caliga had in the end? At first it was established that she wore a Mask of Conjuring, then it got scrapped, and right now her CBW page says that she wears an Unknown Kanohi. I was thinking that her mask could allow her to transmutate into her own element, becoming a cloud of lightning. What do you think? I wanted to feature her mask power in chapter 16, just not sure which one to give her.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:07, August 20, 2013 (UTC)
I'm not sure about the arms. To be honest, it's been years since I last tried to make a MoC, so I don't know. Maybe, to make some resemblance with the original Bahrag, you could use the black Mata hands (the ones in your Pohatu stars MoC). Those, with some silver Bohrok teeth, could look nice.-- 6 cups in one year! 07:12, August 21, 2013 (UTC)
Happy birthday BtD27! Congratulations for being 18 now. I could go on and post a wall of text about all the fun I've had with you all this years, but it's your brithday and I don't want to take away time from this important day. Just have fun with your friends and your familiy! You can now drive, go to the jail and ... oh, I just realized how much more dangerous the world is today XD . Anyway, have a good day!-- 6 cups in one year! 07:04, August 22, 2013 (UTC)
Ok, so yesterday I took the time to finally read Over Your Shoulder in one go. I can't comment much on the changes you made to the story, as I barely could remember it and I definately hadn't read past the chapter in which Tollubo gets wasted by Racasix.
First of all, let me point out something that caught my eye:
- "One case held a blue Krana Yo [...] The Krana was probably one of Dessal’s first discoveries."
Nothing special about it but it was cool to read since you had told me earlier that your first Krana had been a Yo. Seeing the writer incorporate himself in the writing is always nice. :)
Back on topic. I think that you outdid yourself in this one, at least when it comes to characterising Tollubo. If there was one thing that I didn't like about your pre-2012 stories was that Tollubo didn't change much throughout a large amout of time. Sure, his character was interesting, his lines were fun to read and his background was well-written, but in the end the Tollubo in Sands of Silence was the same one as in Whispers in the Dark.
I don't think that it was because of lack of characterisation per se, but rather by the fact that in the end he was always the hero in every story. That's why OYS felt so refershing. You wanted to break Tollubo, and you really made that work greatly. The story takes a plunge in the dark side of Tollubo and, as a result, we finally get the full picture of him, of his flaws.
My favorite moment of the whole serial is when Tollubo is seen with the Mask of Undead. I thought that was really a beautiful image. His girlfriend has betrayed him, left him broken, so he no longer feels like he's alive, but rather just a mindless corpse wandering around aimlessly and drinking booze.
Changing the subject, I have been making some progress on Chapter 16. So far, I've got 6 pages written, and I after one more or so I'll be up to the point in which Sarnii stumbles upon the Toa.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:21, August 23, 2013 (UTC)
Well, it was an enjoyable read, so reading it again wasn't any trouble at all. And I wouldn't have noticed the Krana Yo thing if you hadn't told me earlier about it, I'm not that clever. :P I'll read Vendetta as soon as I got some time in my hands, right now I'm trying to study electromagnetism (physics) and I find it really hard.
Well, the really important thing here is that you enjoy what you write. Don't force yourself to follow the plan strictly or overextend yourself, because if you're not enjoying your chapter, chances are that the readers won't too.
I think it's alright that Connla isn't an Av-Matoran. In fact, having her killed because of Torlo's outburst probably will have an even greater impact than her transformation into a Bohrok.
Do any changes you find appropiate, if that means that the chapter will be better in the end. We're not being forced by anyone to follow a plan or schedule, so there's no problem with that.-- 6 cups in one year! 07:41, August 25, 2013 (UTC)
Completely unrelated to FitB, the other day I was thinking about the Fractures universe timeline, and I think I found a plothole in Frozen Calling. Garnax remembers Glonor shooting at him in Vacca-Nui. This is impossible, since Garnax is from the Fractures universe and Glonor is from the DoDU. You have already have said that Glonor has a Fractures counterpart (that is not an exact copy of him), so the possibility of a Fractures Glonor fighting Garnax, then Garnax mistaking the DoDu Glonor for the Fractures Glonor, is impossible. The only option I can think is that Garnax himself is from the DoDu too, but that hasn't been hinted anywhere in the story.-- 6 cups in one year! 12:16, August 26, 2013 (UTC)
Oh, so I was just overthinking it. :P I was completely wrong when I thought that Fractures Glonor was another Matoran. Also, that guessing thing sounds interesting, as it makes your readers reflect deeper on the characters of your stories. Even if some of the guesses are as weird as Harma XD.-- 6 cups in one year! 10:48, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
To be honest, I would rather have Glonor stay as a Matoran. I know that becoming the Toa would not affect his personality or water down his charisma, but there is one thing that would be crippled - the symbolysm. Want it or not, Toa have been seen from the very beggining as mystical and otherworldly heroes. In 2001 that was very clear, with the Toa arriving in canisters and being part of the legends and such.
It's not that he doesn't deserve to be a Toa, it's that if he becomes one that charm that he has will disappear, in my opinion. I see Glonor being very similar as the main character of The Mentalist (have you seen that TV series?), who is clever and witty like Glonor, but isn't really good with guns. In Glonor's case, he doesn't have elemental powers, he can't use Kanohi, but he has his wits, he is observant and easily gets a picture of what's going on around him.
Of course, it's up to you to make the final decision. After all, you know Glonor better than anyone else. Although if he were to become a Toa, I would rather have it near the end of Judgement Day, rather than at the beggining.
Regarding Falling in the Black it is very convinient that you brought that up. Yesterday I was doing some planning for the second half of the last chapter, and I was trying to find a way to get around a plothole: If Bohrok-X can send the signal, why hasn't he done so already by the time Santis arrives? You've given me the answer, which is great.
We could have Bohrok X say that he started enslaving Matoran villages in Voya Nui becaues he'd heard that a high-ranking soldier was hidding there. That would also answer why Bohrok X had already so many enslaved Matoran. Although, to make it more canon friendly, we could say that the device that sends the signal was built by the Order of Mata Nui, and when the organization disbanded (because it no longers exists in the Fractures Universe right? I'm not sure about this) the codes were passed to the Metru Nui army. Otherwise, it would be very weird that the Matoran would have such codes in their possession.
In chapter 16, I could write that, with Torlo apparently dead, Bohrok X tries to find a suitable substitue. He scans around, and finds that Santis has his memories blocked. Thinking that was the mental shield of the Order of Mata Nui members, he tries to use him. At the end of the final battle, when Bohrok X launches a mental assault on Santis to discover the codes, he discovers that he is Kazat. Would you be ok with that?-- 6 cups in one year! 18:01, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
Ok, that makes some interesting backstory for Torlo. Any of the options you mention would work, and it would add to another theme in FitB - the relation of the characters with their past. Santis, Caliga, Sonitous, Torlo, Turas, all have issues with their past, which is either hidden, missing or blocked in some degree. So far I have already covered in chapter 16 Santis' worries about his past.
The Sarnii thing was something I also wanted to comment, since her part is the next one I have to write about. I wasn't really sure if she was really in love or not, so I wasn't sure if I should show her heart-broken or not. But now that that's cleared up, I can proceed.
I don't have time tonight to read Chapter 14, I'm just sleepy. :P I'll read it tomorrow and post feedback. Right off the bat, nevertheless, I can already tell you that I'm not comfortable with using All-caps each and every time that a Bohrok speaks. I understand that it is a legit stilistic choice to show their robotic and domineering nature but... I don't know, it just hurts my eyes and doesn't look very professional. Do you think there could be any alternatives? Maybe italics, or italics and bold, like you did for Karabak?
PS: If you ever get around to watching an episode of The Mentalist, you'll quickly see why I mention that they are similar. IRC, in Frozen Calling, Glonor is able to tell the profession of someone just by small details, something that the protagonist of The Mentalist does quite often.-- 6 cups in one year! 20:43, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
Okay, I think I could write that Sarnii tries to convince herself that Torlo meant nothing for her, just like Jekkai, but she realises that in the end her love for him was true. She will think about the good and bad moments, and realise that her heartlight is not only broken literally but also metaphorically. It'll be a bit harder for me to show Sontious's worries, mainly because I'm not really familiar with his character, and I don't have planned a POV for him. However, I'll try to make his worries surface at some point, maybe when he tries to comfort Sarnii.
Regarding the Bohrok, I think regular Bohrok and Bohrok Kal should have italics, and Bohrok X should get the Karabak treatment (no caps), to show that he is the maximum authority.
Also, I just read, Chapter 14. I had already read most of it in your previous snippet, so I don't have much to add to what I already said. Iolan has some good lines, and I specially like the one when he says that Makuta don't interrogate, they experimentate. There's a mistake during the description as Connla's death. She's named as an Av-Matoran, when she is really a Ga-Matoran. Probably a leftover from our original plans. :P
The only thing I would change would be the Krana that Iolan is assigned. You've given him a Krana Bo (sentinel), but I think that a Krana Bo (mole) would be better, even if just to make the symbolysm that he is the mole of the Matoran village. In Spanish as mole (topo) is a spy who secretly defects to the enemy, I'm not sure if that's the case too in english.
This is only a very minor thing, and a Krana Bo would also work since Iolan was the 'scout' that brought the Matoran to their doom underground. But I thought that he play of words was nice. :P
PS: Looking again at the plan you gave me a while ago, I realised that you didn't write anything regarding Goll, Kyros and Turas' fates. Do they appear in Chapter 15? Last time I heard of them they were in a Kaita.-- 6 cups in one year! 07:17, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
Actually, after doing some research, I found out that mole=spy in english too. Although double agent is a valid synonym too, I think.
Oh, I'm looking forward to reading that snippet. I'll too post chapter 16 here, as soon as I finish it, in a blog so you can look up for any inaccuracies. So far I have writen up to the point in which Sarnii meets Santis and explains him what happened in Chapter 15. So far I'm worried that I won't be able to write an explosive final battle. Do you have any tips for that?
Also, do you know any suitable synonyms for ground, floor and celing? One of the disadvantages of not being a native speaker is that my vocabulary is very limited. This means that I keep cycling between this three words, without finding any good alternative.-- 6 cups in one year! 15:02, August 29, 2013 (UTC)
Wow! Thanks for all these suggestions! Today I finished most of Sarnii's section of the chapter, and while it is already pretty similar to what you had in mind, I'll make some edits to make the change of mood clearer. And I'll definately include that Kaukau line, that's a nice hint.
I was particularly worried about the Kal section because battle is one of the things that I find harder to write. Also, I read recently at BZPower someone saying that the skill of the writter is proportional to the skill of the Toa he's writting about, so I really wanted to do some creative writting. However, with all this suggestions, I'm sure it will be easier. I'll try to include as many of these ideas as possible. If Sarnii gets involved in the fight at all, be sure she'll be stabbing some Bohrok in the back XD.
I hadn't really given much thought as to which Toa would fight which Kal, but the order you suggested really makes the whole thing more interesting. Speaking of Nuhvok-Kal, I was already try to find a way to make him seem the most powerful Kal, but I wasn't finding anything good. Maybe, when all the rest of his Kal team gets wasted, he could do something crazy with is gravity powers. Any thoughts on this?
If it's no problem, then I'd like Sonitous to wear a powerless Noble Huna, since that was the first Kanohi I ever got, and I love its shape. Also, I'd like to write that piece where the Matoran see the rocket, and feature Ryla in it (do you remember her? :P ). I'm worried that I'm beign too much demanding with my requests lately, so if you want to write it then go ahead. :)
Well, Nokama and Glacii were arleady shown as elderly Matoran, and Turaga are usually seen as old, so it wouldn't have had much of an effect. Frozen Calling's characters are 99% Matoran, and the fact that the elders, the villians and the heroes are all Matoran, gives an 'earthy' feeling to the whole thing, which is one of the appeals of the story. But making those Matoran Turaga wouldn't have had any effect on the dynamics, since they are already old.
I will deifinately have Nuhvok-Kal doing some floortiling and the Toa having to fihgt on walls, celings, etc., similarly to the movie Inception.
You're right about Sarnii. While I still don't know which role she'll get in the fight, she'll have one. I'll come up with it as I write along, to make it more spontaneous. I have mixed feelings about you giving me Zero Hour info, because one one side its very useful to build Sarnii's character, but on the other side those are spoilers XD. I guess you haven't told me anything major, so that's good, because I do want to read the comic as soon as it comes out.
Well, that thing about the mines sounds awesome, but it'd kind of break the dynamic I had thought for the Chapter. I'm kind of obssesed to make Chapter 16 cricular, so the sections would be Santis - Ryla - Caliga - Santis - Sarnii - Sarnii - Santis - Caliga - Ryla - Santis. I know it sounds kind of stupid but I always wanted to write a circular short story, but as you know this will probably the last thing I write.
But I don't want, by any means, to have you scrap what you wrote. The fact that it doesn't fit in Chapter 16 doesn't mean that it wouldn't work wonders as an epilogue. In fact, I'd rather have you use Ryla, even if she has to die. Just keep in mind that she's from Metru Nui, so she'd be the one with the Metru Matoran build. In chapter 16 her parts would be done for another Matoran scientist sent by Metru Nui, who knew Ryla but lost touch with her.-- 6 cups in one year! 07:18, August 30, 2013 (UTC)
Well, for Sarnii I would like a noble Mahiki. I just love the fact that the Kanohi seems to be wearing headphones and a speaker. :P As for Iolan, probably a Miru, but the only reason I can give is that the Miru is Iolan's Kanohi in the DoDU.
Yeah, it makes sense to change from Matoran to Bohrok-Va, since the latter were shown to be weak even in canon BIONICLE. I think we should be proud to say that we're raising the standards of the Matoran species in this story. :P -- 6 cups in one year! 19:20, August 30, 2013 (UTC)
Feel free to change that. I think that Metallic green will make a good contrast with the black/grey armour, and of course like you said leaches can be green too.
If you want to use Ryla, then go ahead. I don't see why I shouldn't let you use her, given that I don't have any plans for future stories. Besides, you already used her in Frozen Calling. :P Keep in mind though that she's almost a blank canvas on which you will have to paint; in WLBTW, I didn't show much of her character, and she was mostly broken at the time.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:24, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
Well, you are the MoCer, here I really can't give you much advice on how to build her. Inrye does look very good, though. The improved poseability on a Metru Nui-like build is awesome.
To be honest, I didn't remember that Ryla was in Frozen Calling, but I did some research and she is apparently Lagira's neighbour. So, since FC and FitB happen at the same time, you will have to choose where do you want her to be. :P
By the way, I have been thinking of contacting with Chicken Bond to get more info on Sonitous, but I've been holding on that until you publish chapter 14, so he doesn't get spoiled. Right now, all the Sonitous lines I have written have been inspired by Canderous Ordo from KOTOR II, but that is probably not accurate. -- 6 cups in one year! 20:49, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
I must said that you really wrote that message well. Even I almost believed it XD. Nice idea with the TBTSB tie-in, it's a good alibi. If he doesn't answer this message, I can always contact him on BZPower with the same context as you did.-- 6 cups in one year! 13:25, September 4, 2013 (UTC)
I'll try to include that in my chapter, that's quite a good description. I just read the snippet, and I quiet liked it. The highlights were for me, the description of how it feels to be under control by the Krana and Torlo's interrogation. The fact that the Krana are a subconcious but completely in control presence is creepy. The part where Torlo thinks about how he doesn't want to do something, yet he does it anyway remembered me of Second Foundation, where a character descrives being metnally controlled in a similar fashion as you did.
Torlo's dialogue with Bohrok X was, as usual, fun to read. I also liked the description of Bohrok X being something more than a Krana within a shell, something far more scary. Ryla's portrayal was also good.
There was only one error I could find, and it is that in Santis/Caliga's scene, you mention once the Bohrok Va as possesed Matoran. The other thing I would change would be the way Sonitous finds his Kanohi. I had planned him to pick up his Kanohi in chapter 16, so if he picks it up in chapter 14 I'll have to edit a lot of things. Besides, it seems a bit random to find a Kanohi on the floor, especially since the enemies are no longer Matoran but Bohrok Va.-- 6 cups in one year! 16:13, September 5, 2013 (UTC)
Thanks for posting CB's response! It's really helpful to get some more insight on the character. I'll definately have to rewrite/delete various lines.
By the way, I've just finished my summer physics course, so that means that I'll have a lot of time to write until I start uni next thrusday. So far I've only written in small bursts of creativity, and while I've already written a fair bit (over 5700 words) I've still got a lot of work to do. I'll probably post a snippet or something soon.-- 6 cups in one year! 11:16, September 6, 2013 (UTC)
Brandon aka Spike
I think you pulled off quite well some scenes that are key to the story, so good job. So far I'm liking the description of Bohrok-X as a being who inspires fear even in a corageous fighter like Torlo. The Blue cyclopean eye adds a nice alien touch.
As for errors, you once mention a Pahrak as a Panrak. I wouldn't really change anything else. The end is a good cliffhanger, setting up the tension for the final chapter.
I also have posted the snippet I promised here. Of all the sections I could post I chose this one because I show an image of Metru Nui that I'm not sure if it's 100% accurate, so I want your opinion. Basically, this snippet gives a reson for Ryla to be in Voya Nui and for the villagers of your snippet to look at the sky.
Bohrok X really lives up to his myth! I love the blue and black color scheme you used. And indeed, he somewhat resembles a chess piece.
Well, Lepak is just a placeholder name until I come up with something better. I sometimes use placeholder names when I get stuck because I can for the life of me give a character a decent name. So yeah, I will have to start thinking something to replace that. :P
I'll fix those lines. Shit can be replaced by one of the many synonyms it has. As for the second one, yes, I wanted to make a wordplay. :P For this one I think I will replace get a fix with get fixed, an expression which I don't think that references drugs in any way. I'll also change shooting stars for Spirits stars, good call with that one.
I don't really see him as Ihu, who has been pictured as kind of wise and cryptical. Anyway I used the Tohunga Name Maker (a weird little programme I downloaded ages ago) and I came up with the name Kinu.
Today I've worked a little bit on Chapter 16 and I have already started the final battle. Speaking of Fitb, I think you could make a Feeback blog for chapters 14-15, similar to the ones that Vorred usually does. The chapters you just posted have some of the most important moments of the whole story. In a blog like that there could be feedback, theories and, of course, fanglirs shouting death threats at you because you apparently killed Torlo. XD -- 6 cups in one year! 10:00, September 10, 2013 (UTC)
Two september updates sounds fine. I cannot promise that Chapter 16 will be up for your first update, but I'll try to write it befor that.
Thanks, I'll need that luck. :P You know, I'm still clueless about uni. Some have told me that it is a paradise full of chicks, booze and fun. They have obviously watched too much American Pie movies. The official presentation of my faculty was scaring at the least. The only thing that really bothers me is having to wake up at six to catch the train, but I'll get use to it.
Anyway, while I wanted to do some writting today, I wasn't inspired so I haven't done anything. I've been enjoying my last day of freedom, you could say. I'll probably start reading Vendetta right now, which I've been meaning to do for ages.
Thanks XD. I was wondering about the accomodation thing because in the media every student seems to live in a campus, yet everyone I know that has gone or will go to uni still lives in their parent's home. I guess that's one of the differences between studying in Spain and studying in an english country.
Well, my english teacher, who is welsh, said that it is typical for british students to dedicate the entire first year to just debauchery :P . So I guess I shouldn't be too worried.-- 6 cups in one year! 20:05, September 11, 2013 (UTC)
Ok, I survived my first two days of uni, which were rather... chaotic. I have already a lot of work to do, more than I expected given that we're just in September, but it's still not too bad (except Basic Chemistry - OMG that subject is so hard, I swear it is anything but basic). While during the week I couldn't make any progress on Fitb, today I've written another page. One less to go, I guess.
Also, I took my time the other day to read Vendetta, and I have to say that it was a very enjoyable read! Nice to see how Vilnius is changing Metru Nui's politics to a more diplomatic style. I loved some of the descriptive language you used. It is interesting that when you write about an earthy setting, like the one you created for Vendetta, the descriptions end up being photorealistic.
On the story department I don't have much to comment, since it is quite short. It is good to see that Tollubo is back to the path of light. I'm also intrigued by Thode. Maybe he has been hired by Vilnius to watch over him? Or did he kill Vunto to eliminate competence? Those are some of the theories that shot through my head. The reference to Hewkii/Maku's romance was funny too.-- 6 cups in one year! 18:12, September 14, 2013 (UTC)
Hey M1! I haven't given you any updates in a long time. Basically, I'm still working on the chapter I have to write. Due to uni I haven't made much progress over the past two weeks, but today I've written quite a lot. I was really inspired and wrote almost up to the point when the rocket hits.
This following week I'll have to study for some exams, but on friday (the day I've got most free time) I'll sure as hell write some more. I see that your fanbase is still very interested in FitB, which is a great motivation for me. You just can't imagine how satisfied I was when I read a comment in one of your blogs, in which a user basically nailed it saying that each character in FitB had his own agenda. That was what we tried to show, and I really love that people pay so much attention to this story.
Well then, we suffer from the same dissease! :P I've had sore throat, groggyness and other cold symptoms for days. Hell, one day I even woke up with an Al-Capone like voice XD. Now I'm much better, but my nose is still a fountain of slime.
What you're doing sounds interesting, a lot more than lectures about probiotics or things like that. But I'm not complaining, it sure beats having to study literature like I had to last year.-- 6 cups in one year! 20:58, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
Chatper 16 is posted! You can read it here. Take your time to read it, its quite long. :P I hope you can help me with the wikia formating of the chapter, there are some parts that have side scroll buttons and I don't know why.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:59, October 11, 2013 (UTC)
First of all, thanks for taking the time to proofread all this. I've skimmed through the list of changes and I think that all of them are good and make the chapter more fluid. :)
Get fixed in Le-Metru is a leftover phrase that I intended to change before posting, but never got around it. It doesn't make sense, so I think I will replace it with "buy tickets for the Chute" or something like that. I wasn't sure if I could use Phoenician or not here. Phoenician in Spanish is a word that describes both the ancient culture and people who have the ability to trade and bargain to get the maximum profit. I don't know if it has also this connotation in English, but I thought that the Spanish meaning fit Kyros well. If it doesn't fit, vain works great too.
I wasn't sure you'd like the section about Caliga's past, as I was sure that I'd be full of inaccuracies. I'm happy that it turned out well in the end, though. Good call about the Motara desert, Coastal Desert makes more sense.
About Caliga's lightning form, it was actually inspired by the power of one of the villians in One Piece (a TV anime I watched a long, long time ago). When writting it, I was always under the impression that it was a power given to her by the Ignika, not the Mask of Conjuring. I agree that in some situations it could be overpowered... but if you read the final battle section, you will see that she's not that skilled with it and it has its limitations. When she tires to use this power to sneak into the cavern, she is immediatly discovered by the Bohrok. Also, in that form she is easily defeated by any user of Lightning or Magnetism. The idea is, she isn't really trained in the use of her Kanohi and has no experience with her volt form outside water. However, since this affects Judgement Day, I think you have the right to choose wether Caliga has the power or not.-- 6 cups in one year! 09:16, October 13, 2013 (UTC)
Actually, I wrote the giant wheel part inspired by Tiam's teachings. It was my favorite part of that story, and Tiam was one of my favorite characters... until we discovered he was Karabak :P. I thought that including something similar in FitB would be a nice clue for readers and would help to make a connection between Thetys and Santis. Most of Krennato's dialogue is inspired by what I learned of Nietzsche in Phylosophy class last year. The original version of the dialogue was almost a ripoff of my notes on Nietzsche XD. I quickly changed to what it is now, more than anything because what Nietzsche proposes (circular time) is completely different from what Krennato says (reincarnation).
I'm completely fine with you using Crystallus in Zero Hour. I was very satisfied with your use of Crystallus in Frozen Calling, so I have no problem with you using him in any of your stories. After all, I never gave Crystallus any kind of proper development, and I consider Crystallus' Adventures to be rubbish, so I guess that he belongs to you more than he belongs to me :P.-- 6 cups in one year! 12:25, October 13, 2013 (UTC)
Well, I have to admit that not revealing his identity until the epilogue would be very original. The way we are doing it right now had been done over and over to death. The only problem I have is that the revelation would be less tense. A big part of chapter 16 is built around the mystery of Santis' real name. I think that the last chapter should provide some sort of closure, which it wouldn't if the revelation was cut. So, I don't know, I'm sitting on the fence on this one.
About epilogues, I don't think we had planned anything else. I'll try to write Torlo's epilogue before my mid-term exams begin (in less than two weeks).-- 6 cups in one year! 19:04, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
I think you've convinced me :P. As you say it would be a good way to give the audience a reason to read the epilogues. Santis' evolution as a character would be more complete that way, finally coming to terms with his past. I hadn't thought of it that way :P. I still think however that the last chapter should function as a partial closure to the story. Maybe Bohrok X's definitive defeat should be shown in Chapter 16? Or is that part of the epilogue?-- 6 cups in one year! 20:25, October 16, 2013 (UTC)
It's ok, I'm in a similar situation as you. Instead of going out, this afternoon I have to study for a biology online exam. Not the most exciting of prospects, if you ask me. XD -- 6 cups in one year! 15:11, October 19, 2013 (UTC)
Hi! Just dropped by to tell you that I have just finished my exams, so I will be starting to work on Torlo's epilogue. I don't think it will take me a lot of time, since I want to keep it short, and I defintely want to have it done before the last week of november. Man, that week will be insane. In the morning I'll have classes and in the afternoons I'll have to do some experiments in the lab. Could be fun but... you know, its four hours every day of lab, and the train ride is an hour from Barcelona to my home, which means I'll leave home at 7 AM and return at 9 PM. :P
BTW, one of the compounds that I will use in the lab is alum. I just wanted to let you know that your Toa Noma of Fire shares its name with the Aluminium and Potassium Bisulphate. XD -- 6 cups in one year! 22:18, November 6, 2013 (UTC)
That's actually a great idea! It will be interesting for readers to see how two of the main characters have ended in such different paths. I had already planned the epilouge to take place in a desolate landscape, so the only modification that I'll need to include is Karabak saving the slaves, which is no problem at all.
I just read Gorta's epilogue and I have to say that it was well written. You gave an innovative and descriptive image on Hordika-ification, with all sorts of details on the transformation. I'm looking forward now to see the second epilogue!-- 6 cups in one year! 17:23, November 7, 2013 (UTC)
Well, I posted my epilogue here because I wanted you to revise it before posting it on CBW :P. I wasn't able to include the Screams in the Dark reference. Although it would give Falling in the Black a circular feeling, as I wrote the epilogue I couldn't find a place to fit it in, so I decided to not include it. I hope you're ok with that.-- 6 cups in one year! 22:06, November 8, 2013 (UTC)
Ok, I'll do the honors :) . I just read your epilouge and I liked how mystycal it was. Pofia playing the flute was interesting to read and I think that you handled Santis' revelation quite well. Certainly it makes me want to read Judgement Day! -- 6 cups in one year! 11:30, November 9, 2013 (UTC)
Thanks. I wanted to somehow link FitB to Judgement Day, since it is the next (and final) story in your series. This particular quote was actually loosly based of a song about nuclear warfare, so you are right in saying it has an apocalyptic feeling. Writing FitB has been very fun for me too (except for that 6 month period in which I had writer's block... :P). It also will go down in history as the first and only story serial that I've finished.
Also, I read somewhere that you'll do a vlog about Zero Hour. Keep me posted on that! I definately look forward to see the behind-the-scenes work of ZH.
Long time no see
It's been a long time since I talked to you. I've been wanting to post a message on your talkpage for ages, but I hadn't actually gotten my head around it until now. It's not that I have grown out of BIONICLE or anything. In fact, I recently got a mobile phone for my 18th birthday and I just downloaded a GBA emulator so I can play Tales of the Tohunga and Maze of Shadows. Sounds mature doesn't it? XD. Not exactly what I imagined that being 18 would be like years ago.
Anyway I feel sorry for not posting a message earlier. I'd say that I whish you have a merry christmas but I'm afraid that's long over :P. In my defence, I should say that the big day in winter holiday in Spain is the 6th of January... still a bad excuse I guess. I also wanted to give you some support for your recent break-up. I just read what happened to you in the past week and I'm finding it hard to write something that doesn't sound hypocritical or insensitive. I'm not that good at expressing emotions, but I send you my most sincere wishes that you get better soon. I've always thought that you were very lucky to have a girlfriend that accepted you as you were (if anyone at uni knew that I lurk in LEGO websites in my free time ... :P). I hope that you manage to find a way out of this situation, either moving on or continuing the relationship, but try to not sink yourself anymore. My only advice is to have a positive atitude, that always helps, I guess.
BTW, reading Besiedged was on at the top of my list of things-to-do in 2014, but since I have an exam on the 8th of January I will try to read it all this weekend. So, stay tuned for
non-sensical rambling some constructive comments and criticism.-- 6 cups in one year! 17:12, December 27, 2013 (UTC)
OK, finally took time to read Besiedged. I had to postpone reading it due to a 3 day long headache and also because I had to watch and write a review of Oranges and Sun for my english extracurricular classes. Anyway, I have to say that I liked the story a lot. I'm not a big fan of zombie stories at all, but in this case I'd say that the undead part was largely made up by the internal struggle of the Toa that you showed here with great skill. By far my favorite parts were the ones in which the Toa seemed to realise what they had done and what they had become, only to then give in to the hunger again. I was also amazed by the effort you made to keep it canon-friendly - having Jaller with a correct name and mask, the description of 2005's Ta-Metru, etc. All in all, I look forward to more chapters of this story and the - still very distant- 2014 sequel.-- 6 cups in one year! 08:24, January 7, 2014 (UTC)
It's me again. You may recognize me from Custom Bionicle wiki.
I have one question: I just read first stories about Tollubo, Jollun, Saran and others( Shadow of Metru-Nui, Saran's Story, Rise of Shadows, Hell's Horizon ) and just begun reading End of the World and I noticed there's a big gap beetween Hell's Horizon and End of the World. In one story Tollubo & co. are in Karda Nui and in next they are on Bara Magna. Is there some other story beetween them? Please help
One more question: What stories are canon now?